Anatomy of a Vampire

"It is long past midnight as my eyes shut open and dart across the darkness.

Not a soul in sight, no breeze, no light, but the hunger...

Cramps, a deep longing for blood, churning inside a tide of appetite that washes over me and get me in motion.

I step outside the casket, outside the cellar, into the brightly lit city night.

The city is alive now even at night, a different hunt, a different challenge, but plenty more cattle to choose from, and many more perils to avoid.

Of the city lights that bathe the night sky, I have grown to love the neon ones, not as bright as the rest, and always a good shepherd to me, telling me where the poor little lambs are."

 

Thats how I would have envisioned it to be, fantastic, mystical, whimsical even. 

But that would be a lie, and it would not reflect the true nature of the beast in the way I experienced it.

It was much more simple, much more human.

An evening filled with laughter, games, a shared meal, shared thoughts, shared secrets...

Culminating with the realization that the storm that had been brewing had finally broken out and she wished to stay the night, which made sense, since leaving would be dangerous.

She was already wearing my clothes, and she looked quite charming with them, at least 4 sizes too big, baggy pants, strong legs...

What am I thinking?

We get ready to sleep

I could have inflated the other bed, could have told her to sleep there, she even offered to sleep on the floor, but I insisted on her sleeping in the bed next to me.

Its big enough, after all?

What am I doing?

Each assumes their position and we go to sleep.

We wake up the next morning, make some small talk about "sleeping together" and have some small bite for breakfast.

But thats not how it went.

I wake up in the middle of the night, great cramps tensing every muscle of my midsection. Not the only thing tense, mind you.

Its not an ache, or at least, not exactly an ache.

Its a hunger... a deep, unintelligible hunger that is contorting my abdominal area and making we wonder what is wrong with me.

My eyes have perfectly adjusted to the darkness, as they usually do.

And there she lies next to me, calm, breathing slowly, her hair flowing from her head unto my sheets, she is so close but so far at the same time.

What am I feeling?

I feel a hunger, a deep, lustful hunger.

I know what I want, but I know how wrong it would be. I can not and will not risk everything for my hunger, but it stings, it writhes like a hellish worm in my gut.

Then her scent hits me. My nose never was the best, but that scent envelops me. Is it camomile? Is it it vanilla? I dont know, I do not care much, I just know it further expands my hunger.

Another pinch of pain to remind me that I am awake, aware and awash with feelings that I had never encountered.

And, suddenly, it strikes me...

I have become a Vampire

I feel the hunger

I fear the cross

I fear the garlic

And, most of all, I fear the stake

The Seeds of Hope

The weather was mild in this part of the forest and thin rays of sunshine poured through the highest branches of the canopy.
The daemon dissapeared to look for whatever it is it eats and i made just the same.
I decided that i would walk in the direction we had to move so that i wasted as little time as possible looking for nourishment.
After 5 minutes of walking i came across a small bush of salvia hispanica.
I had absolutely no idea why i knew the name or properties of the plant, but i did.
I gathered some seeds and ate them, they would provide me with the energy i needed for the journey.
I could not pass up this opportunity, so i ripped my left sleeve off and improvised a small pouch that i filled with as many seeds as i could so i could replenish my energy on the go during the day.
Once i was done i continued walking.
The daemon was nowhere to be found, but i knew that he would find me once he was done, he had a better sensory perception than i did, so he would certainly find me once he was done doing whatever he was doing.
Walking and getting out of the forest was the top priority
...
Time passed, the sun was lazily making its way towards the horizon when the daemon appeared, i just aknowledged its presence and kept walking.
*You ok?*
"Fine, walking"
*Not going to ask where i have been?*
"Your business"
*Fair enough*
We kept walking until the sun had set, made camp, and rested for the night.

From Dusk Till Dawn

We began searching the area for some sort of shelter that we might use for the night.
It was probably due to my exhaustion and the previous visions, but i could have sworn that i saw her, the ghost, speeding from tree to tree, hiding from my sight.
There was no way it could have been her, no way...
We found a cave that we could use as a shelter not too far away from the tree.
Each found a spot and made himself comfortable.
I wasnt sure if i would be able to sleep that night either, but i wished with all my might for it to happen.
I watched the dropplets of water travel down the wall of the cave...
Without even noticing, i fell asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night, startled, heart pounding, as if i had had a nightmare, yet i could not recall it. I looked around just in case something was off, but there were no signs that indicated that i should fear for our integrity. The daemon quietly slept in its corner and breathed steady and peacefuly.
I returned to my sleeping position, but this time sleeping would prove more difficult than before.
I tumbled, turned and tried different positions that might provide me with the slumber i needed, but neither my body nor my mind felt comfortable with the idea of returning to dreamland.
Then it came to me.
An idea.
Sort of a gut feeling attached to a memory that was surfacing in my head.
I remembered that she once told me that she had some sort of extrasensory perception, a psychic power of sorts, a sensibility that went beyond my five senses.
Without thinking about it i placed my right palm on my forehead, bent my thumb, ring, and baby finger and concentratet on sending a message that i hoped would reach her.
I stayed like that probably for a long period of time, concentrating on the message that i wanted to convey and placing my faith in it reaching my intended recipient.
Once i thought it had been enough, i inmediately found solace in my slumber one more time with no difficulty, as if my previous action had triggered my sleep.
...
*Time to move* the daemon told me as he nudged my body with its muzzle *we have to find something to break our fast and continue our travel*
I nodded obediently and made my way out of the cave.

Ascension

There it was, a tree i could probably climb, though given my current condition it was a miracle if i was able to even get to the first half of the trees height.
I couldnt be deterred by that, i had to try, i owed that much to the daemon.
I grabbed the first branch and pulled myself up.
So far so good.
I hugged the trunk and looked for the next branch.
Right after finding it, a vision flooded my mind:
Malcom and the ghost chased by the Banshees, Malcom, in a futile act, wasting his ammo against the otherwordly beings.
I regained my sense of self as a stinging pain took over my senses.
I had probably had too many blackberries, my stomach was not ready for it.
I stretched my arm towards the next branch and had to hold in a cry of pain. Moving made the pain in my stomach worse.
I braced for the next painful blow as i stretched my other arm and my leg to get a better footing.
As i hurled myself up i let out a scream of pain and strain.
I lost consciousnes for the briefest moment and was able to again get a hold of the trunk just as i was about to lose my balance.
Not even one fifth up the height of the tree and i was already about to give in to the pain.
Another vision flooded my mind:
Fireworks over a small lake that had a willow pouring its branches into it.
Thank goodness my muscles had tensed while i was hallucinating, but where was that, i couldnt remember having ever seen that place yet alone been near it.
I once again shook my head and focused what little strenght i had to prepare for the next leap.
Every time i got on a new branch, my mind was invaded by visions:
A large space vessel making its way from a mechanical planet
A sheet of paper slowly being filled by and invisible hand with drawings of people struggling
A guitar playing songs by itself on a stage to a nonexistent audience
A Lioness leaving her cubs alone in the wild to bever return
A flood destroying a small village
A winged warrior slaughtering his enemies with a large sword
and finally
A tortured soul begging for forgiveness from the depths of hell
I had made it... i was on the top and able to see the horizon...

...and I was able to catch on

The world started spinning  faster than I could bear once again.
Memories sped through my mind. I had to lay down once again to try and calm myself, but my heart was pumping too fast, my breathing was unbalanced, the little vision I had left blurred and faded to black.
I passed out just as she reached to me screaming and begging me to return.
I could not return, not now...
There are things I have to deal with in my deepest unconscious.
The thresher maw approaching us, there was the exit at the end of that corridor, but there was a huge jump, I would not be able to make it, I was too tired and even if I was at my best, I would not be able to.
I run, heart racing, lungs burning, muscles screaming in agony, I cant hear anything besides the sound of my own body, the blood running through my veins in the same fashion Im running through these corridors.
The end of the path is getting near, and it will be the end, one way or another.
Whatever happens at the cliff, it will be the end of an era and the beginning of another to me, wether I die or not will not affect this fact.
Do I want to die? NO!
Do I want to live? Hell yes!
Only a few meters remain, a recollection of the past months of imprisonment soar in front of my eyes, the darkness, the light bulb, writting, papers stacking in the corners of the room, getting new paper and pens by an unknown entity.
I would somehow miss these carefree times, but I knew I needed more than just pen and paper:
I wanted to see what was out there, write about it, tell to whomever might read this that my journey was an interesting and fulfilling one.
I wanted to live, heck, I wanted to feel the breeze on my skin, see a sunset, a sunrise, hear whatever there was to hear out there in the wild.
The cliff is one step away, whichever foot I set now will determine wether I will be able to make the jump or not... I have no time to think more than that, I am in the air already, trying to get to the other side...

The house and the lake... continuation

Three months had passed since i last set foot on the dusty doormat.
Nobody but me took care of this place and i had had not too much time for that either.
So the dust and dirt had made itself at home.
As i opened the windows in each room, shame overwhelmed me.
My duty to keep this place incorrupt... i hadnt been able to fulfill.
I took care of the cleaning disregarding the time it would take me.
I had plenty of that now that my dreams had been finally crushed.
No job, no place to stay but the house by the lake and all the memories hanging in the air as if they
were silent ghosts judging me with their penetrating gaze.
I came to this place to try out some pills a friend had given me not too long ago.
He told me they would work wonders on my creativity and my self esteem, making me get past the
sadness that threatened to consume me.
I had taken the pills, but internally refused to take them.
I would deal with my problems myself, as i had always done and i would work my way to the top without
the use of external inspiration.
I thought the grief and all the lingering emotions would act as my muse.

Oh, but how wrong was I?
Very wrong... very very wrong...
Nothing had come out of it, no inspiration, no great compositions, not even a decent hit...
And so i sat in the middle of the living room, staring out of the window into the willow and the lake.
The bottle of pills in my right hand and the guitar lying in front of me.
If this didnt work, then i had nothing to lose anyway.
I popped open the white lid that separated me from an endless sea of posibilities and despair and
swallowed one of those little orange pills.

A 20 written on one side, "732" on the other and an obliterating sadness took over me.
I knew that the effects wouldnt kick in until after at least 2 hours, so there were 2 dreadful hours ahead
of me.
I closed the bottle up, took the guitar, leaned back in order to lay on the floor and put it on my belly.
A quick glance at the ceiling revealed that i had missed a huge spot while cleaning and a solitary spider
span its sily web all over the lamp that lifelessly hung from a single cable.
I was usually afraid of spiders, but right now i didnt care that much. And she was too far away and
under control.
That was the only thing i had under control at that moment, though.

I started feeling a tad bit better, so i got up from the floor and hung the guitar around my neck.
A song about a spider? Nah...
A song about the fear of the spider? Better...
I started strickig chords in an apparently random pattern.
Slowly it started taking shape, developping from a ghastly idea to a solid secuence.
I hummed a tune while playing at first, but that just wasnt enough.
I stopped playing but kept humming, i had to get this on tape or something. I got the recorder out of the
guitar bag, placed it on the table, hit the record button and kept playing.
Soon the lyrics started pouring out of my mind, through my gut and into the room.

I dont know how much time i spent senslessly jamming in the room, all i know is that i took a break
when daylight was about to pass away.
Now it was time to listen to what i had been doing for the past 5 hours.

On a branch not far away

Silent night, restless night.
That has always applied to me, and tonight wouldnt be an exception.
I dreamt of a samurai in a distant future, fighting the eternal evil of the world
that haunted him and everyone else.
I dreamt of a forest filled with life...
trees, birds, bugs, flowers and then, of course, the kamis.
They all roamed free through the forest, causing little mischief and having fun.
A bard sung a tale long forgotten about a cast away warrior who had given
everything for love, and thus lost everything.
He also told the tale of other bards who had won wars only with the aid
of their intruments and other bards.
Those were the times only remembered by the ancient, by the wise.
I looked at my hands. Shining metal nails sheened by the moonlight.
I was on a branch, waiting for a certain someone to appear.
A shadow crawls into the forest.
It looks around, its nervous, i can sense it.
Slow steps...
Quick glances, quicker footsteps.
Might it know i am here?
No, cant be.
Now its approaching the tree on which I have been waiting.
It takes a break.
How fortunate.
I leap downwards.
The wind flows through my hair.
Nails first i fly towards my victim.
Just in the last second does it notice me.
Too late...
We both end up lying on the ground.
I quickly regain my footing and grab it by the throat in order to pull it up and lean it against the tree.
The hood lets me see only the mouth, but that will suffice.
its not like i need to check if it is who i think it is.
Still, i think it rather romantic to see its face under the moonlight.
With my free hand i pull back the hood.
The moonlight cant compare to the beauty of the silver her she has.
Those green eyes that can pierce right through my soul.
She holds one hand up and puts it against my cheeck.
"What took you so long?" i ask.
"Its not like its a short way. Was all this necessary?" she gives me a thoughtful look.
"It is from the moment i saw you. You are my prey. I am the hunter.
And i have hunted for you long enough, my dear" I answer as i caress her hair.
I look into her eyes and feel like i am sinking into her.
I cant stand it any more.
I press my lips against hers.
The moment lasts for an eternity.
When i open them her body is laying against the tree, lifeless.
Not a single drop of blood was shed in this murder.
I had gotten accustomed to gruesome crime scenes caused by my hands,
but this time it hadnt been me who had performed the task.
Illness was far better of an assasin as i would ever be.
It left no visible mark, it came without any warning and when you percieved it,
it meant it was far too late for you.
I was stealthy and i was efficient, but never would I be neither that skilled nor that cruel.
I took care of matters for money, illness did it for no reason.
I had others tell me who to kill, illness was its own taskgiver.
If i was to be found out, , they would hang me for it. If it was illness who did the job,
it would never have to pay for its crimes.
I envied the skill and position illness had gotten in this world. Untouchable,
undetectable, eternal. I could only hope to be the second of those things.
I had vowed i would be and her death would only bring more committment to my cause.
Never again would anybody see a shadow fleeing a crime scene. I would not affor that risk.
I was to change and under this tree i made my new oaths with the blood of the one i had loved and had been taken away from me by a silent killer who i would never be able to kill in revenge.
The ways of the assasin had hardships, but this would be a burden very hard to bear.
Swearing vendetta on her for the last time, I made my way into the woods.
There were many more who would have to leave this world by my hand tonight...

After the Storm

The nightmares subsided, my world turned back to normal.
 Four walls, a floor and a ceiling with a lightbulb hanging from it, all covered in darkness.
 Never had this blackness felt this good.
*You alright?*
"Yeah, i guess... I..."
*You?*
 "Im back... stronger than before"
 *You know what they say, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger*
 "Guess its true, i feel as if i have been reborn. Some things make more sense now, others just make sense despite being absurd before. I can see..."
*In this darkness?*
"Its a figure of speech..."
*I know, im just teasing*
"Ok then, i think i might take a nap unless the bulb lights up soon"
*Sounds good to me, but there is plenty of food over there*
"Over where? Nevermind"
I searched the room for the food i was told there was. After some time i found the tray. It tasted great, i didnt actually remember wether it was better or worse than the one i had been given before, it didnt matter anymore. I had gone through a hell-like experience, i suffered, i cried, but now the blindfold had fallen.
The bulb lit up.
My eyes scanned the room in search for the papers and the pen. I felt like i had to writte down what i went through, i had to create something out of nothing.
Just like i had given life to my nightmares, now i wanted to shape my dreams and desires.

 IMPRESSIONS Impressions
Rainbow
that lies beneath a city made of gold
please let me inside
uncover your beauty
let me see your soul
your façade cant disguise the beauty inside that lies
to others maybe, but you cant decieve me
everything turns to water and flows
into the well


new hope arises from it
everything reborn anew
a new chance to make things right
althought it might have seemed it was well
deep inside there were troubles inside your head


let your soul fly into heavens
seek salvation from this world
leave this corrupted place


search for salvation
seek restoration

 
(PS: The song Impressions belongs to Ariadna Martin)

The four walls

I woke up in darkness as I was used to by now. It didnt surprise me anymore.
"Finally awake?"
*good morning to you too*
It had been some time since I had those kinds of nightmares. And this one was new too.
"Good night rest?"
*make a wild guess*
"ou ou ou, i love guessing... Uhhh a nightmare?"
*bravo*
"Abooout... Water!"
*Yeah, somewhat related to water, I gotta admit that you are getting better at this*
"So much time together is finally paying up"
*As if there was anything positive about you being with me*

A dark room with just a matress, some blankets and a wc with a sink.
This is where I spend my days, or nights, I have absolutely no idea about what is going on in the outside world.
Every time I wake up there is a tray with some plates on it lying near my bed. It contains the three basic meals. Someone is keeping me alive in here for no apparent reason.
"Hey! Whats for breakfast?"
*Havent had time to check, gimme a second sheesh*
I crawled out of bed and searched for the tray. As usual it was only a few feet away from the mattres.
*Today we got...* i said as my hand made its way cross the tray * apples*
"Again?"
*Stop bitching, not like this is a hotel and we guests, be grateful we got something to eat*
I grab an apple and give it a huge bite. Its tasty and juicy. I smell it and let the smell fill my nosetrills with its aroma. The smell is nice for a change. The dark room doesnt smell bad, but it doesnt smell good either. It has the basic facilities, true, but it lacks so much at the same time. A simple working light bulb would be like a treasure.
Four walls in which I really cant do much. I have plenty of time to think, but that just isnt enough.
I have wondered why I am here, why I am being kept alive.
No answer comes to mind.
"Watcha thinking bout?"
*Why are we here?*
"I stopped wondering some time ago"
*You never wondered in the first place, you just went along*
"Got me"
*'Course i did*
I didnt know what was gonna happen, all I knew was what had happened until now...

The Awakening

I woke up surrounded by darkness. I could see nothing at all.
I could hear the sound of drops of water when falling on a pond.
*Where am I?*
It could have been a dungeon or something like that, but i didnt have shakles of any sort on any part of my body.
Sewers perhaps?
Couldnt be. It didnt smell bad or foul.
*Where am i then?*
Many thoughts crossed my mind and even more questions arose from the depths.
*How did i get here in the first place? I really cant recall anything besides waking up here...*
*I better move*
I had to find out what my surroundings looked like. I crawled in one direction, using my hands as antennae.
I had to come to a sudden stop.
*Nothing... there is nothing here*
*How is it possible?*
I tried to remain calm and tried my luck in another direction, just for the same outcome.
I tried other directions, but it was always the same. After some meters, there was absolutely nothing. I had had some hope when crawling in the last direction that remained unchecked, maybe that one would be different from the rest.
But the cold reality hit my face like a wet towel.
There was nothing there, i was sitting in the middle of an island, stranded.
The sound of the water was slowly driving me insane.
*Could there be a pond beneath this island?*
Its seemed like a crazy idea, but the whole situation was, so maybe it could even make sense.
The trickling sound bore into the back of my head, my mind telling me to make a leap of faith and jump.
*Its not like i will be able to survive much time on this island anyway. There are only two posibilities: either i die when hitting the ground or there is a pond and i can look for an exit...*
I stood on my two feet.
I had to make a decision now.
The sound of the drops inviting me to jump, my survival instincts telling me to remain on the island and wait for something to happen.
One step forward...
Forward to an unknown future.
Forward to what could be a certain death.
Forward to discovering a truth that could either hurt or be most precious to me.
Another step, and another and another...
That was it, half of my foot was now over the abyss.
I...
I have to do something.
I am standing on the verge of what could be death.
My foot slips, i fall...
The wind blows through my hair, it feels good.
The last drop hits the surface.