What is writting?
Is it conveying a message?
Telling a story?
Sharing an experience?
For me, writting was a little bit of all of the above. But most of all it was laying bare what i felt inside. It was also a tool to help me better analyse and process the events that were happening all around me.
No matter what I wrote or what had happened, seeing it on paper, having put it to paper, it somehow felt like i was reading someone elses story and so i could give myself advice.
In my darkest days i could not write everything down, it was too overwhelming, too deep.
Daring to stare ones own abyss in the eyes...
I still remember those days on the wastelands, having to struggle every single day just for the night to arrive and then to repeat the cycle over and over again.
Having left the dark room with all it enticed, it had food, heat...
But as harsh as the conditions got, it somehow felt that anything i could get from the scarce resources i could gather was more satisfying.
I depended on myself, i had to take care of myself, i had to survive each and everyday.
It felt good...
11/2/15
When doing something new
Nothing is easy if it is new to you.
Your environment changes constantly and you have to adapt to it or you have to shape it to cater your needs.
When starting something new, dont give up easily, be persistent, be active, try to improve.
No one will tell you that it is easy, and no one can tell you how rewarding it might be.
Dont just dream about something working out or hope for the best, work for it, work towards it.
Make a schedule and keep it, adapt it when necessary, for you and only you, when being honest with yourself, can measure wether or not you are actually doing as much as you should.
The first step is the hardest, and the ones that follow might be just a little bit easier.
But each step should be in itself a reward.
And the last step, the most rewarding of your entire journey
Your environment changes constantly and you have to adapt to it or you have to shape it to cater your needs.
When starting something new, dont give up easily, be persistent, be active, try to improve.
No one will tell you that it is easy, and no one can tell you how rewarding it might be.
Dont just dream about something working out or hope for the best, work for it, work towards it.
Make a schedule and keep it, adapt it when necessary, for you and only you, when being honest with yourself, can measure wether or not you are actually doing as much as you should.
The first step is the hardest, and the ones that follow might be just a little bit easier.
But each step should be in itself a reward.
And the last step, the most rewarding of your entire journey
9/2/15
2/2/15
Every step I take
I have come to fear doing new things...
I used to love it, doing new things, exciting things, going on adventures so to speak.
It meant taking a step forward, not always knowing which direction or where it would take me, but a step forward nevertheless.
Now i am affraid, for every step i take takes me closer to somewhere i dont want to go: Death.
Everything new i did brought me closer until i felt i was dancing a mortal tango with lady death herself, exchanging daring glares and sensual strokes.
I dont want that, i dont want to bring death closer to me, i want it far away, over the mountains, over the seas, in a dark hidden cave from whence it will never emerge to take me.
I have come to fear doing anything and everything, for anything i do might take me closer, so here i sit, in my dark room, and wait for the inevitable while i try to make that timespan last for as long as i can.
I used to love it, doing new things, exciting things, going on adventures so to speak.
It meant taking a step forward, not always knowing which direction or where it would take me, but a step forward nevertheless.
Now i am affraid, for every step i take takes me closer to somewhere i dont want to go: Death.
Everything new i did brought me closer until i felt i was dancing a mortal tango with lady death herself, exchanging daring glares and sensual strokes.
I dont want that, i dont want to bring death closer to me, i want it far away, over the mountains, over the seas, in a dark hidden cave from whence it will never emerge to take me.
I have come to fear doing anything and everything, for anything i do might take me closer, so here i sit, in my dark room, and wait for the inevitable while i try to make that timespan last for as long as i can.
22/1/15
Lullaby for a princess
Dear sister,
i write to you to tell you of the burden i had to bear for so many years.
As day and night passed, the darkness in me grew ever greater seeing you become as popular as you did while i carried my sorrow in silence, the dark side of the moon i had become, hidden from plain sight.
I wished for my hate and sorrow to dissapear, but my struggle bore no fruit.
On the contrary, it increased my suffering and desire to gain all the favour you had.
After every smile i faked i had to cry myself to sleep.
You were great, brilliant, so... everything anyone could ever wish for.
Outgoing and kind...
I was reserved, introverted...
I tried everything i could, but weeks passed and nothing changed, i thought about talking it with you, but what could you do?
You tried to love me the way you knew best, but it served only to wretch me even further.
My destruction approached, my reneval did too.
Through the clouds i saw the moon, the only friend i could rely on in my troubled times, a friend with whom i spent an eternity after that fateful day in which i challenged you...
I wish for our reconciliation, i wish with all my might and i know we will somehow manage, as we are part of something even greater thatn ourselves.
After these thousand winters i came to understand that we were both needed.
My dreams rest in peace inside me, i know i will achieve them, i always knew i would, but i now know with wich means they will come true one day.
Thank you sister, thank you for everything you did back then and do every day to help me recover from my sorrow.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4tyvJJzSDk my source of inspiration this time)
i write to you to tell you of the burden i had to bear for so many years.
As day and night passed, the darkness in me grew ever greater seeing you become as popular as you did while i carried my sorrow in silence, the dark side of the moon i had become, hidden from plain sight.
I wished for my hate and sorrow to dissapear, but my struggle bore no fruit.
On the contrary, it increased my suffering and desire to gain all the favour you had.
After every smile i faked i had to cry myself to sleep.
You were great, brilliant, so... everything anyone could ever wish for.
Outgoing and kind...
I was reserved, introverted...
I tried everything i could, but weeks passed and nothing changed, i thought about talking it with you, but what could you do?
You tried to love me the way you knew best, but it served only to wretch me even further.
My destruction approached, my reneval did too.
Through the clouds i saw the moon, the only friend i could rely on in my troubled times, a friend with whom i spent an eternity after that fateful day in which i challenged you...
I wish for our reconciliation, i wish with all my might and i know we will somehow manage, as we are part of something even greater thatn ourselves.
After these thousand winters i came to understand that we were both needed.
My dreams rest in peace inside me, i know i will achieve them, i always knew i would, but i now know with wich means they will come true one day.
Thank you sister, thank you for everything you did back then and do every day to help me recover from my sorrow.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4tyvJJzSDk my source of inspiration this time)
19/1/15
For the greater good
For the greater good many sacrifices are made, many lives lost, many dreams crushed.
For the greater good, or the alledged one, is for which we would invest all we have.
It is for this reason many spend restless nights thinking and many days working.
We need to focus, as the greater good is not something to tread lightly with.
What is the greater good, is there really a greater good?
Is it part of a greater good to sacrifice others? For a greater good we cannot even prove.
Is the greater good the needs of a few? The needs of many? Or the needs of us all?
Is the greater good the needs of the human race, or the needs of te entire ecosystem wich we inhabit?
Do not tread lightly on such words
For the greater good may not be what you have been defending and believing in so many years.
Will the individual good bring about the greater common good, or will the common good bring about the individual greater good?
For the greater good, or the alledged one, is for which we would invest all we have.
It is for this reason many spend restless nights thinking and many days working.
We need to focus, as the greater good is not something to tread lightly with.
What is the greater good, is there really a greater good?
Is it part of a greater good to sacrifice others? For a greater good we cannot even prove.
Is the greater good the needs of a few? The needs of many? Or the needs of us all?
Is the greater good the needs of the human race, or the needs of te entire ecosystem wich we inhabit?
Do not tread lightly on such words
For the greater good may not be what you have been defending and believing in so many years.
Will the individual good bring about the greater common good, or will the common good bring about the individual greater good?
22/11/14
Meeting strangers
The wooden floor welcomed me with a dry *thud* as my arms gave in under the weight of my body.
After a few seconds I gathered what little thoughts I had and looked at the direction from which the voice had greeted me.
It was a cowboy, at least he looked like one.
Hat, boots, leather pants...
He sat up from the rocking chair and pulled me on my feet.
"Sure been out cold fer a while, aint ya?"
"I... I dont know, how long has it been?"
"Well according to my watch id say about 2 n half days"
I sighed.
"Coulda been worse, dont ye fret a bit"
He pushed me softly towards the chair and made sure i got a good grip on it before letting go.
"Thanks"
"Glad to help. So i was wondering, what are ya doin in a place like this?"
"I... I dont think you would believe me if i told you..."
"Sonny, I have seen that friend of yours turn into at least 3 different animals in t' past days 'n considering the banshees that almost caught you 'n all the crazy shit goin on out there, I can 'sure you that i'd believe most anything you tell me."
"Well I... have spent the past year or so imprisoned in a dark room. The room is inside a subterranean bunker-like building not too far away from here."
"Well I be damned, thats a story I wasnt expectin"
"Yeah... I would find it hard to believe had i not experienced it myself. I had been locked away from the world. Still i am not sure this is the same world i remember from when i was free"
"The world 'as changed, thats fer damn sure... lots of thins' goin' on... the banshees fer example, aint been here for too long"
"I feel like i have been... I dont know... transported in time and space ir something similar. I dont seem to get the picture of this world."
"Dont fret, nobody does. We are all souls strugglin' to stay alive."
"Could you tell me how things were before?"
" 'Fore when, sonny?"
"I dont know, I guess before everything went to hell"
"This place has always been hell, but i get where ya gettin' at"
"Keep it quiet you two, sleeping, recovering from near-death injuries, daemon here"
"Sorry, we will go outside"
"Or better yet well get ya upstairs to catch some fresh air"
He helped me get up the chair and up the stairs to the balcony.
After a few seconds I gathered what little thoughts I had and looked at the direction from which the voice had greeted me.
It was a cowboy, at least he looked like one.
Hat, boots, leather pants...
He sat up from the rocking chair and pulled me on my feet.
"Sure been out cold fer a while, aint ya?"
"I... I dont know, how long has it been?"
"Well according to my watch id say about 2 n half days"
I sighed.
"Coulda been worse, dont ye fret a bit"
He pushed me softly towards the chair and made sure i got a good grip on it before letting go.
"Thanks"
"Glad to help. So i was wondering, what are ya doin in a place like this?"
"I... I dont think you would believe me if i told you..."
"Sonny, I have seen that friend of yours turn into at least 3 different animals in t' past days 'n considering the banshees that almost caught you 'n all the crazy shit goin on out there, I can 'sure you that i'd believe most anything you tell me."
"Well I... have spent the past year or so imprisoned in a dark room. The room is inside a subterranean bunker-like building not too far away from here."
"Well I be damned, thats a story I wasnt expectin"
"Yeah... I would find it hard to believe had i not experienced it myself. I had been locked away from the world. Still i am not sure this is the same world i remember from when i was free"
"The world 'as changed, thats fer damn sure... lots of thins' goin' on... the banshees fer example, aint been here for too long"
"I feel like i have been... I dont know... transported in time and space ir something similar. I dont seem to get the picture of this world."
"Dont fret, nobody does. We are all souls strugglin' to stay alive."
"Could you tell me how things were before?"
" 'Fore when, sonny?"
"I dont know, I guess before everything went to hell"
"This place has always been hell, but i get where ya gettin' at"
"Keep it quiet you two, sleeping, recovering from near-death injuries, daemon here"
"Sorry, we will go outside"
"Or better yet well get ya upstairs to catch some fresh air"
He helped me get up the chair and up the stairs to the balcony.
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