The dark corner

I have always been of the ones that thinks that social psychology is something useful not only to individuals, but to humankind. If on the way to new discoveries you need some people to confront some of their deepest character traits, then so be it.
Today i found myself confronted with some thoughts that are too much for me to handle.
Im in a dark corner of my mind, watery eyes, frustration building up inside and ugly thought coming to live.
i want to ignore them, think that I am not that kind of person, that i can control it, but i am affraid that some day i wont be able to, that some day i will have an outburst that will blow everything away from me.
I am affraid, deadly affraid.
I want to cry, I cant.
I want to have her by my side, I need her, I need to tell her how much she means to me and how some decisions make me turn bad.
The worst thing is that i have seen that dark side of me before, yet i have ignored it or attributed it to external forces.
But the problem is inside me, and I will have to deal with it sooner or later...