26/4/14

...and I was able to catch on

The world started spinning  faster than I could bear once again.
Memories sped through my mind. I had to lay down once again to try and calm myself, but my heart was pumping too fast, my breathing was unbalanced, the little vision I had left blurred and faded to black.
I passed out just as she reached to me screaming and begging me to return.
I could not return, not now...
There are things I have to deal with in my deepest unconscious.
The thresher maw approaching us, there was the exit at the end of that corridor, but there was a huge jump, I would not be able to make it, I was too tired and even if I was at my best, I would not be able to.
I run, heart racing, lungs burning, muscles screaming in agony, I cant hear anything besides the sound of my own body, the blood running through my veins in the same fashion Im running through these corridors.
The end of the path is getting near, and it will be the end, one way or another.
Whatever happens at the cliff, it will be the end of an era and the beginning of another to me, wether I die or not will not affect this fact.
Do I want to die? NO!
Do I want to live? Hell yes!
Only a few meters remain, a recollection of the past months of imprisonment soar in front of my eyes, the darkness, the light bulb, writting, papers stacking in the corners of the room, getting new paper and pens by an unknown entity.
I would somehow miss these carefree times, but I knew I needed more than just pen and paper:
I wanted to see what was out there, write about it, tell to whomever might read this that my journey was an interesting and fulfilling one.
I wanted to live, heck, I wanted to feel the breeze on my skin, see a sunset, a sunrise, hear whatever there was to hear out there in the wild.
The cliff is one step away, whichever foot I set now will determine wether I will be able to make the jump or not... I have no time to think more than that, I am in the air already, trying to get to the other side...

25/4/14

Thoughts of a dying shadow (For Her)

I´m dying...
Funny to think about it, I did not even know that I was capable of such a feat, but here I am, on the ground, flat on my stomach, slowly fading away.
It does not bother me that much though, the only thought inside my mind is her.
Dark hair, dark eyes, a stare that would enthrall me every time she directed her gaze in my direction.
Her hips, they would drive me crazy every time I could see them, just picturing them inside my mind sends shivers down my spine and makes my slowing heart make a last effort to try to show me it is still alive and beating. Do not worry fella, we will soon be somewhere quiet, somewhere safe.
Her legs, powerful, strong, they had to be since they carried a strong woman on them. She did not like them that much, but I could not help but stare at them and marvel at their perfection.
Her smile... her smile was able to brighten even the darkest days, lighten the gloomiest moods, make my frown instantly turn into a smile.
She was like a cat somehow, or at least that is how I remember her. She was completely autonomous and did everything by herself, she would sometimes flee from my attempted snuggles, tell me I am too attached, how could I not be? But she would also sometimes approach me and demand some attention, attention I was more than willing to give her. Hugging her was one of the best feelings I can remember right now, feeling her warmth on my body, her smell flooding my nostrils, her soft skin under my finger tips.

I am dying, and I am dying alone.

The blood is slowly but surely forming a pond under my stomach, I can feel the farm liquid sticking to my clothes, soaking them.
Good thing I decided to wear a dark red shirt, this way it will not be that noticeable.

I remember her, and I miss her, but I am not granted her presence right now, at my last moments.
I perhaps do not deserve it either, but I still miss her.

My vision is getting foggy, I stop feeling my limbs, my muscles relax and give in to the sleepyness that is death.

This is me, a shadow of my former self, and these are my thoughts: Her.
I hope I will be able to see her from wherever I go, else I will consider it to be hell.

These lines are for you, to tell you that I loved you, that I still do, that I miss every second of the time we spent together.

My last words flee my now cold mouth...