8/8/20

Anatomy of a Vampire

"It is long past midnight as my eyes shut open and dart across the darkness.
Not a soul in sight, no breeze, no light, but the hunger...
Cramps, a deep longing for blood, churning inside a tide of appetite that washes over me and get me in motion.
I step outside the casket, outside the cellar, into the brightly lit city night.
The city is alive now even at night, a different hunt, a different challenge, but plenty more cattle to choose from, and many more perils to avoid.
Of the city lights that bathe the night sky, I have grown to love the neon ones, not as bright as the rest, and always a good shepherd to me, telling me where the poor little lambs are."
 
Thats how I would have envisioned it to be, fantastic, mystical, whimsical even. 

But that would be a lie, and it would not reflect the true nature of the beast in the way I experienced it.

It was much more simple, much more human.

An evening filled with laughter, games, a shared meal, shared thoughts, shared secrets...
Culminating with the realization that the storm that had been brewing had finally broken out and she wished to stay the night, which made sense, since leaving would be dangerous.

She was already wearing my clothes, and she looked quite charming with them, at least 4 sizes too big, baggy pants, strong legs...

What am I thinking?

We get ready to sleep

I could have inflated the other bed, could have told her to sleep there, she even offered to sleep on the floor, but I insisted on her sleeping in the bed next to me.

Its big enough, after all?

What am I doing?

Each assumes their position and we go to sleep.

We wake up the next morning, make some small talk about "sleeping together" and have some small bite for breakfast.

But thats not how it went.

I wake up in the middle of the night, great cramps tensing every muscle of my midsection. Not the only thing tense, mind you.

Its not an ache, or at least, not exactly an ache.

Its a hunger... a deep, unintelligible hunger that is contorting my abdominal area and making we wonder what is wrong with me.

My eyes have perfectly adjusted to the darkness, as they usually do.

And there she lies next to me, calm, breathing slowly, her hair flowing from her head unto my sheets, she is so close but so far at the same time.

What am I feeling?

I feel a hunger, a deep, lustful hunger.

I know what I want, but I know how wrong it would be. I can not and will not risk everything for my hunger, but it stings, it writhes like a hellish worm in my gut.

Then her scent hits me. My nose never was the best, but that scent envelops me. Is it camomile? Is it it vanilla? I dont know, I do not care much, I just know it further expands my hunger.

Another pinch of pain to remind me that I am awake, aware and awash with feelings that I had never encountered.

And, suddenly, it strikes me...

I have become a Vampire

I feel the hunger
I fear the cross
I fear the garlic
And, most of all, I fear the stake

Majora / Minora

I put on a mask

I do not actively chose to, but I put it on

Nobody but one person has ever seen me for who I am

Imperfect

Depressed

Doubtful

Lusting for what I can never have

One person alone knows it all

And that person is not here anymore

I put on a Mask

Willfully

I do not want to be seen

Dont want to be noticed

Dont want to be forced into the light with all the burden that such an action would imply

I put on a mask

I take my pills

Is this even the real me?

Who or what is the real me?

Could they tell?

Could you tell?

Can I tell?


I put on a mask

and hope someday I will look back and think that all this ordeal was silly, my suffering was more imagined than real, my writings were a product of their time and will forever stay that way


I put on a mask

With the hope of one day being able to take it off and show my face to the world