The house and the lake... continuation

Three months had passed since i last set foot on the dusty doormat.
Nobody but me took care of this place and i had had not too much time for that either.
So the dust and dirt had made itself at home.
As i opened the windows in each room, shame overwhelmed me.
My duty to keep this place incorrupt... i hadnt been able to fulfill.
I took care of the cleaning disregarding the time it would take me.
I had plenty of that now that my dreams had been finally crushed.
No job, no place to stay but the house by the lake and all the memories hanging in the air as if they
were silent ghosts judging me with their penetrating gaze.
I came to this place to try out some pills a friend had given me not too long ago.
He told me they would work wonders on my creativity and my self esteem, making me get past the
sadness that threatened to consume me.
I had taken the pills, but internally refused to take them.
I would deal with my problems myself, as i had always done and i would work my way to the top without
the use of external inspiration.
I thought the grief and all the lingering emotions would act as my muse.

Oh, but how wrong was I?
Very wrong... very very wrong...
Nothing had come out of it, no inspiration, no great compositions, not even a decent hit...
And so i sat in the middle of the living room, staring out of the window into the willow and the lake.
The bottle of pills in my right hand and the guitar lying in front of me.
If this didnt work, then i had nothing to lose anyway.
I popped open the white lid that separated me from an endless sea of posibilities and despair and
swallowed one of those little orange pills.

A 20 written on one side, "732" on the other and an obliterating sadness took over me.
I knew that the effects wouldnt kick in until after at least 2 hours, so there were 2 dreadful hours ahead
of me.
I closed the bottle up, took the guitar, leaned back in order to lay on the floor and put it on my belly.
A quick glance at the ceiling revealed that i had missed a huge spot while cleaning and a solitary spider
span its sily web all over the lamp that lifelessly hung from a single cable.
I was usually afraid of spiders, but right now i didnt care that much. And she was too far away and
under control.
That was the only thing i had under control at that moment, though.

I started feeling a tad bit better, so i got up from the floor and hung the guitar around my neck.
A song about a spider? Nah...
A song about the fear of the spider? Better...
I started strickig chords in an apparently random pattern.
Slowly it started taking shape, developping from a ghastly idea to a solid secuence.
I hummed a tune while playing at first, but that just wasnt enough.
I stopped playing but kept humming, i had to get this on tape or something. I got the recorder out of the
guitar bag, placed it on the table, hit the record button and kept playing.
Soon the lyrics started pouring out of my mind, through my gut and into the room.

I dont know how much time i spent senslessly jamming in the room, all i know is that i took a break
when daylight was about to pass away.
Now it was time to listen to what i had been doing for the past 5 hours.


The House and the Lake (Prelude)

"If there was anything i could do..."
"There is nothing you could do..."
"Maybe not now, but, who knows, maybe in the future..."

We had a fight like this once in a while.
It was just too hard for us both to accept that she wouldnt be around in a
short amount of time.
We were aware of the fact that everybody dies, nobody is free from their duty
towards the grave. But her case was different.
If someone died in their sleep from a heart attack, it was a shock for
everybody, but it couldnt be helped.
But if someone was slowly being eaten away by a sickness with no possible
cure, then the situation changed.
We tried our best to live every single day as if it would be her last and as if
she would live forever, but sometimes we got blown away by reality,
impossing itself on us, forcing us to look to its way. There wasnt too much
time left.
She didnt play the violin anymore.

"Why waste time on that?"
"Because art has never and will never be a waste of time"

Sometimes i convinced her with that simple statement. She would get up
from the bed and get the old, yet beautiful and heavenly sounding Stradivarius
violin out of its case. She would play enthralling music, making me loose
myself in its wake, completely possesed by the magic of each note.
Slowly dripping on me, the melody made its way from the violin to infinity.
That sound would always be there, no matter if she would not play anymore,
no matter if she were to fade away. The memory remained and thus she
would live on with me, no matter what, no matter when.
While i listened to her i gazed at the old willow that poured its branches into
the lake.
A lake full of life.
And our house would remain as full of life as the lake as far as we would
make it toghether.
And time played no role no more.
We had to life each day through. Nothing mattered more than her, her well
being, her everything...

Unbroken silence would hang in the air after she finished playing.
She would then put the violin back in its case, sadness stricken picture
painted on her face, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek.
It had become a habit for me to collect that tear and put it in a jar with the
rest of her sisters, so they would stay toghether and keep company.
I would do the same for her as long as i could.
Laying on the bed, her breath steady for maybe not too long, her head on my
chest. I would stare at the ceiling watching time pass by, not giving us a
spare minute to enjoy toghether...


The Slave

We are all slaves, children of darkness.
Sentenced to the world of fairy tales.
As slaves we are condemned to live
together in the darkest tales.
And when the moon glides on us,
high above on the star spread ceiling
in the unique experience
that is every single night,
we shall seek out the heart
that we desire most.
And nights go by,
and notes are played,
yet the music remains the same,
every time the melody
that lures us out of our hiding,
out of darkness
to witness the moons beauty one more time
to search for what we long for
what we once had, but no more.
And if the day were to come
in which the music ceased
we would go out hunting for the notes
scattered around the world they would be
lost, frightened, maybe even forgotten
our duty it will be to put back the piece
restore the melody that keeps us awake

That was the oath sworn by the ghosts once they were reawakened.
Death itself made us swear on its scite that we would, if there ever was the

need, restore the music.
The music that kept us alive. If it stopped playing for too long, our existence

would fade for ever from this world.
What created that music?
Where did it come from?
I can just tell that i hear it every night, when the moon reaches the peak.
The notes sound as if they were being poured into my ears slowly, like a

think liquid, into my head.
I can just hope that the music never stops...
I dont really know what i would be supposed to do if that were to happen.
I gaze up at the nightsky.
A beautiful night it is, but the dawn may bring sorrow upon me.
It may not go well, it may fail miserably.
I can just wish for everything to turn out for the best, as there isnt much more

i can do.
If he were to get out alive, where would he go anyway?
The nagging feeling of guilt wont leave me on this night.
I put him in this situation, yet i havent concerned myself with thinking what

could happen once he got out.
I remember there was a village near here, one in which there were still some

of the living. Maybe he could find shelter there...
The moon bathes me in its light.
I feel better now, the moon gives us ghosts some kind of energy i guess.
Dawn is approaching and i should be on my way...


The Daemonion

The night ended, as ended a chapter in my life.
From that sunrise on a new light would shine for me.
Everything lived before i would have to carry with me, not as a burden, but as a reminder of where i came from, as an experience i would treasure.
*I have good and bad news* she whispered softly into my ear.
"Bad ones first at this time of the morning* i muttered, still half asleep.
*Escaping from here is far from easy*
"I could have expected as much"
*No, you cant imagine...*
"Try me"
*The food comes from a vent...*
"Nothing strange about it"
*But i cant really tell where it ends, its a labyrinth, as if they expected that you would try to flee*
"So? you could guide me..."
*I cant...*
"How come you cant? You are, please forgive my bluntness, a ghost, there is no wall that can block your way"
*But there are ways to prevent ghosts from entering certain places...*
"What do you mean?"
*Ghosts must have become something usual in these days. I havent had the luck to find them, this does not mean there arent more like me. In fact, the labyrinth is protected by a web of charms*
"You mean like those asian charms that prevent bad spirits from entering the houses and such?"
"So i would be on my own then?"
*I fear so...* she said as her gaze met the ground
*May I interrupt?*
"Now thats a surprise, you showing up"
*Yeah whatever, this aint no time to start with sarcasm. I got an idea*
"Lets hear it then"
*I can help you through the labyrinth*
"And how is it that you plan on doing so?"
*By scouting it beforehand and then showing you the way out, if there is a way out that is*
"I love how you always have to smash me when i am down"
*My pleasure, as usual*
*But... you cant go in there either*
*What makes you say that, lady?*
*Well... i mean, you are a ghost, too*
I turned my head to face him. I hadnt realized up until now that i hadnt seen him in all the time i had been locked up. As soon as the light lit i was busy writting and the rest of the time the room lay in darkness, so trying to see him would have been quite futile.
He was indeed quite translucent.
My eyes shot open and my mouth hung open.
*Surprised?* he asked, irony covering his words.
*Ill take that as a yes. Now to you, lady. I am no ghost whatsoever. I am a projection of your little friend here. Im his projected alter ego. Whenever he is happy, i am sad, whenever he is sad i am happy. We complement each other, we are the same but in two different forms*
*I didnt even know that this could be possible*
"You tell me... i have been living with him for the past months"
*Thats where you are wrong. Technically we have always been together, from the moment of your birth. Its just that one day i found a way to actually break free from my own imprisonment. What i didnt know at the time was that if would be a quite limited freedom. I cant be too far away from him and if he were to die,  would follow suit.*
*So you are some kind of... daemonion?*
*You could say that*
"And you are not a ghost?"
*As i said before, no. I am a physical projection of a spiritual part of your being.*
"The world is spinning too fast, i wanna get out"
*Too late Alice, now you have thrown yourself face-first into the rabbithole.*
*We should try to make a plan. Food is brought here at least 2 times a day usually, so you have just one chance, for the moment when you fail they probably wont let you try again.*
*Id say we do it when they bring breakfast*
"What do you have in mind?"
We sat in a triangle and discussed what would be the most important plan i would have to go through and perform in my life until that moment...


On a branch not far away

Silent night, restless night.
That has always applied to me, and tonight wouldnt be an exception.
I dreamt of a samurai in a distant future, fighting the eternal evil of the world
that haunted him and everyone else.
I dreamt of a forest filled with life...
trees, birds, bugs, flowers and then, of course, the kamis.
They all roamed free through the forest, causing little mischief and having fun.
A bard sung a tale long forgotten about a cast away warrior who had given
everything for love, and thus lost everything.
He also told the tale of other bards who had won wars only with the aid
of their intruments and other bards.
Those were the times only remembered by the ancient, by the wise.
I looked at my hands. Shining metal nails sheened by the moonlight.
I was on a branch, waiting for a certain someone to appear.
A shadow crawls into the forest.
It looks around, its nervous, i can sense it.
Slow steps...
Quick glances, quicker footsteps.
Might it know i am here?
No, cant be.
Now its approaching the tree on which I have been waiting.
It takes a break.
How fortunate.
I leap downwards.
The wind flows through my hair.
Nails first i fly towards my victim.
Just in the last second does it notice me.
Too late...
We both end up lying on the ground.
I quickly regain my footing and grab it by the throat in order to pull it up and lean it against the tree.
The hood lets me see only the mouth, but that will suffice.
its not like i need to check if it is who i think it is.
Still, i think it rather romantic to see its face under the moonlight.
With my free hand i pull back the hood.
The moonlight cant compare to the beauty of the silver her she has.
Those green eyes that can pierce right through my soul.
She holds one hand up and puts it against my cheeck.
"What took you so long?" i ask.
"Its not like its a short way. Was all this necessary?" she gives me a thoughtful look.
"It is from the moment i saw you. You are my prey. I am the hunter.
And i have hunted for you long enough, my dear" I answer as i caress her hair.
I look into her eyes and feel like i am sinking into her.
I cant stand it any more.
I press my lips against hers.
The moment lasts for an eternity.
When i open them her body is laying against the tree, lifeless.
Not a single drop of blood was shed in this murder.
I had gotten accustomed to gruesome crime scenes caused by my hands,
but this time it hadnt been me who had performed the task.
Illness was far better of an assasin as i would ever be.
It left no visible mark, it came without any warning and when you percieved it,
it meant it was far too late for you.
I was stealthy and i was efficient, but never would I be neither that skilled nor that cruel.
I took care of matters for money, illness did it for no reason.
I had others tell me who to kill, illness was its own taskgiver.
If i was to be found out, , they would hang me for it. If it was illness who did the job,
it would never have to pay for its crimes.
I envied the skill and position illness had gotten in this world. Untouchable,
undetectable, eternal. I could only hope to be the second of those things.
I had vowed i would be and her death would only bring more committment to my cause.
Never again would anybody see a shadow fleeing a crime scene. I would not affor that risk.
I was to change and under this tree i made my new oaths with the blood of the one i had loved and had been taken away from me by a silent killer who i would never be able to kill in revenge.
The ways of the assasin had hardships, but this would be a burden very hard to bear.
Swearing vendetta on her for the last time, I made my way into the woods.
There were many more who would have to leave this world by my hand tonight...


The Blind Man

The happiness of the blind man
is to look up to the sky
and see more than the star sprinkled night

 he longs for the clouds
he wants to fly up there
shape them to any possible shape
make himself a home

he wants to drink the rain
just wish for it
it may even happen

eat cotton candy clouds
drink chocolate milk rain
each raindrop is happiness poured into a glass
and everything else suddendly seems irrelevant

build a castle out of dreams
you know you can
get some friends to help you
once done let them in

share with them your treasures
for you think they were meant to be shared

no army could be needed
in the sky there are no wars
no skyscrapers are seen
for not everyone deserves this fate
no earthquakes happen, no volcanoes erupt
there is no hunger
feed yourself and the others with whatever you find
it is there for a reason and has to fulfill its purpose

take a break
lay on the ground
imagine the world down here

where everybody longs for something
but that something they do not know what it is
they work hard
they suffer
they are sad
and what for, if what they long for is to them unknown
and may not even exist?

The blind man looks up to the sky
or is it that he is seeing heaven?
The smile across his face
is as enigmatic as the eyes
hidden beneath his glasses.


The Ghost cronicles

sweeping throught the valley
and a stairflight
going up to heaven

its the same thing
i see going on every night

sweet souls
making up their way
until the light shows
up ahead their path

cant you hear the sound
as the reaper mows

cant you tell the tale
as they descend to hell

nothing shows up anymore
nothing grows
nobody writes
for what would be worth to have written is just too cruel to beginn with.
Its dark times, with obscure things going on. With people going mad, most of them were crazy, others were just sad and gave in to the world.
The valley of death, an image used in song lyrics... it has become real. If it isnt famine, its violence. Nothing left to fight for except survival itself. Consider it a noble cause, for there isnt anything more real or more just than to fight for yourself in the times that we are living. Nobody uses the expresion i know how you feel. It is taken for granted that everyone is equal in the misery of this world.
Why do i write?
I dont know. I dont expect nobody to actually read what i write, but it helps me to think that, maybe in the future, if there is any kind of future, somebody might find these and read them.
Consider it the cronicle of our present, where the apocalypse took place and swept away most of life. Where supernatural things happen every single day. Ghosts... they are real now...
This, my work, you could call:
The Ghost cronicles



A soft breeze waved over the sand, leaving faint trails, as if a
translucent snake had made its way through the land.
But there was nothing here that the snake could have wanted nor needed.
Waste, lonely sands of the time once upon called in terror, when war
had stricken the land and left it forever deserted.
How could he bare this vision?
She had seen it so many times that now it seemed pointless to feel
sad or to grief for the ones whose life was lost.
She had told him the truth...
Was it the right thing to do? she asked herself as she flew past this
horrid vision. He lived in peace in his own little world, enclosed by
four walls and totally obvlivious to what had happened outside.
And she had destroyed his world with only one number:


The year they were living in.
Living didnt exactly apply to her, but she had gotten used to talking
like everyone else. The few people she had met up until now and
hadnt fled in terror upon seing her hadnt been bad people, but the
post-apocaliptic landscape changed its inhabitants.
The need to survive each and every day without knowing what the
future could summon this time was something not every mind was
neither ready nor willing to take for granted.
The world had turned cruel, it had turned wicked, and there was
nothing nor anyone that would protect newcomers from the horror.
Not only had the landscape changed the humans, but the animals
had suffered as well.
Many had died, others had survived and a little part had mutated to
better survive in the present conditions.
Rats grew to the size of dogs, which could prove useful for the
survivors: it provided food. Therefore rats were now treated as farm

She pondered wether she should help him escape his imprisonment
or if it would be for the best if he remained in his golden cage.
After all, he had everything he needed to survive:
A roof over his head, a luxury not entitled to many of the desert
inhabitants, food given to him every single day, the devil knew where
they got the fruits he was given, and he could even fulfill his creative
needs whenever he needed to do so.
Maybe she should just leave him be and never come back to him.
She didnt have the right to destroy everything around him, yet she
had already planted the seeds for his freedom.
He looked like the curious kind, and those didnt like leaving things
unknown. He would probably find a way out, wether it was with or
without her help.

She sighed and glanced at the sinking sun.
The dawn tinted the sky blood-red as the glistering sun made its way
into its nightly grave.
Meanwhile the silver lady was getting ready for her nightly stroll
through the sky.
She should get a move on too.
She turned around and made her way towards the golden cage,
unsure of what she would say or do, but with one thought in her
whatever happened, she would stick with him and help in every way
she could.It had been her who had shacken and crumbled his world and she
would take responsability for it.


The broken

the ilusion
dream of my dream
hidden from my hands
deaf to my tongue

the forest
silent, complete
falling appart

split up the oceans
shatter the seas

for what comes within
stays within
and everything fades

not a speck of light will remain
in my future
the domain of the web
the spider that crosses
pearls of piece stained on its home

from above comes death
it feeds from
and from comes it
and it shall devour us all

blood streaming
the valley tinted
the village flooded
and happyness shall reign

and thou who hath found it
repent repent
the saviour doesnt need your petty crimes
neither does he need your excuses

it all will be told
in the velvet lined book
stained with ink
where the truth is what claimed
and yet there is nothing to be heard


Emotional Wasteland

I could get accustomed to being woken up by that dim glow.
"Wakey wakey, sleepyhead"
"Yeah yeah, give me a break" I murmured, still sleepy.
I got out of bed and sat in the middle of the room next to her.
"So, any news?"
"Not much really, the usual ghost stuff"
My stomach roared fiercely. I hadnt had anything to eat in a long time, so it wasnt surprising.
She gave me a confused look.
"I havent had anything solid to eat in some time, you see, have been sleeping all day long"
"Oh, i see..."
"Would it bother you if i had breakfast while being with you?"
"No, not at all, please, i am the intruder, you shouldnt worry about me"
"But i do,mind lending me a hand?"
"Just follow me, with your glow it will be much easier to locate the tray with food"
"So, you are imprisoned here, yet they care for you and feed you?"
"Yeah, strange, isnt it?"
"I guess..."
We searched the room for the missing tray. It was in the far end corner of the room, fruits, bread and water in it.
I took a big bite off an apple.
"Hmm, juicy"
She looked down.
Maybe i shouldnt have made that comment, she couldnt enjoy the taste of the apple and i should have known better.
"There is nothing to be sorry about"
We remained silent while i finished the apple with quick bites.
"Oh, by the way, may i ask you a favor?"
"Tell me"
"Could you tell me what is happening in the outside world?"
"uhhh... i dont know..."
"Why not? Please tell me, i have been locked in the dark for months now, I need to know what is going on outside. Besides, i dont know when they will release me, so it could eventually help me to know what is happening so it wont be that much of a shock once Im free"
"You may be right... how could i put this..."
"Is it really that bad?"
"Well, i dont know, how were things right before they locked you up in here?"
"Uh" i didnt really know. I hadnt cared about what happened in the outside world when i had the chance to care about it.
I searched in the back of my mind for bits of information related to the worlds situation back when i was free.
The situation wasnt too bad, sure the world economy was going through a rough phase, but everybody was confident that, with the proper economic policies, the situation would stabilize and everything would turn to normal in no time.
There were minor wars around the globe, nothing unusual, people who were hungry, people who were suffering.
I told her what little i could remember about how i viewed the world, she listened and then remained silent for a minuto or two.
"Lets say... the world has changed..." she began "quite much actually... what year do you think it is?"
That question caught me off guard.
"What do you mean?"
"Well..." she looked down as if searching for the proper words "time may have passed... it could well be that it isnt the year you think it to be"
I couldnt really say anything...
"As far as i can tell... its either 2012 or 2013... i dont really know how much i have been kept in here, so..."
She looked up, sadness reflected in her tearing eyes.
"What is it? What year is it? I need to know now!"
"Its... 2024 already..."
The look on my face must have been quite shocking at that time.
Emotions i thought long gone came back to me.
Longing for the few people i knew, for my family, for my friends. What had happened to them?
"It cant be..." was all i said.
"But it is..." she answered, pity in her voice.
I slumped on the floor and lay still.
She lay down next to me.
Despite her condition, it conforted me to know she was with me. She couldnt touch me, but i felt as if she held my hand.
I dont exactly know when i did, but i fell asleep.
She probably left some time later, still, the thought of her kept me sane, her company, whatever she could tell me.
*Are you going to make a habit out of it?*
*Sleeping on the floor instead of in bed*
"Who knows... better to sleep on a floor than on a barren wasteland for instance?"


Naughty kids get no breakfast

*Good morning*
*Again sleeping someplace else? Do you dislike my company that much?*
"Actually, i havent slept at all"
*Writting again?*
"With what light, smartass, as you may have noticed, it never lights up during nighttime"
*Guess you are right, then what did keep you away from me?*
"Her, she came back?"
*Her? Who?*
"The ghost..."
*The ghost... its a she?*
"You still dont believe me, do you?"
*Not really, i still think you have gone completely nuts*
"She read some of my writings"
*What did she think of them?*
"She liked many and disliked some"
"And then she told me about the afterlife, i might write down all that she told me"
"You cant imagine how fascinating i found everything she told me"
"Oh well, enough chit-chat, lets have breakfast"
As usual, we both searched the room for the breakfast tray, but this time we wouldnt find anything.
*Nope, what about you?*
"Same, strange, its usually here when we wake up"
*Maybe they didnt leave anything because someone decided to stay awake instead of going to sleep*
"Whatever, i think im gonna get some sleep, barely slept 2 hours before she came"
*As you see fit*
I found my way to the bed and slipped inside.
Sleep caught me almost as soon as i was completely covered with the blanket. It was very cozy and confortable. My eyelids shut.


Reading the life

Once again i was woken up by a dim light in the center of the room.
"She came back after all" i thought to myself, smiling.
I couldnt show my happiness to her however.
The way she left the first time, i just didnt want her to flee as soon as she saw me.
It took me quite some time to adjust my eyes to the gloom, but what i saw when it happened was totally worth it:
She was reading one of my writtings. She seemed inmersed in the pages, but i wouldnt sneak up on her just like the last time.
I coudnt take that chance. Id wait till she finished reading whatever she was reading and would then get her attention somehow.
I waited for what to me seemed like an eternity.
She looked up and then turned her gaze at me.
I closed my eyes and pretended i was asleep.
The light grew brighter through my closed eyelids.
Was she getting closer to me? No, that was absurd, it couldnt be. She fled from me the other day, now she couldnt be approaching me, it made no sense.
"Open your eyes" she said softly.
I did as i was asked to.
"Oh, am i dead?" i asked, acting as if until then i had been sleeping.
"No, why would you be?"
"Because i have been awoken by an angel"
She backed off and looked away.
The color of the light emaning from her head turned from white to pink.
Was she blushing perhaps?
I didnt even know if ghosts could blush.
"Hey, you alright?" i asked.
"Yes... everything is fine, its just... it caught me off guard..." she answered "I took the liberty to take a look at your writtings, i hope you dont mind..."
"Not at all, glad somebody else can see them besides myself" i gave her a smile, trying to comfort her.
She smiled back.
"So... did you like what you read?"
"I did enjoy reading some of them, others were either too sad or too depressing for me to take right now"
"Yeah, life is bittersweet and so are my writtings"
"Afterlife isnt much better either"
"Tell me about it"
"About what?"
"About the afterlife, or even better, forget the afterlife, tell me about your life, who you were, what you did, i would love to know more"
"I am not sure i am ready to talk about my life just yet... but i can tell you about the afterlife, that would be no problem, i have gotten accustomed to it.
"That will have to do i guess... then please, tell me every single thing..."

The night flew by quite quickly.
Us both inmersed in our little conversation about the afterlife, me asking questions, her being patient and answering them

"Daylight is almost here" she said looking up to the ceiling "I have to go"
"And why is that, how do you even know its daytime yet?"
"I just... know, dont really have an explanation for this.
I will be back, fear not."
"Then i will wait for you"
She ascended like smoke: slowly, majestic.
And went through the ceiling, just like the first time.

I didnt know at that point, but she would be like a little wild pet cat, coming and going whenever she pleased, sometimes because she felt lonely, others for me to tend to her wounds and other because she wanted company.
Either one of these reasons made her come to my dark room, light it up a bit, and for me that was what mattered.
I liked her company... and i probably liked her.


The house and the lake

I looked out of the window.
The lake offered a dazzling look at this time of the year. The autumn leaves slowly falling from the trees and onto the lake itself, the fish swimming as if in slow motion, and the willow pouring its branches into the lake. The lake was truly the main source of life here.
Only a few dim rays of light fell into the room.
The dusty furniture reminded me of the old days in which we used to spend afternoons together, just watching the lake, not caring about the rest of the world.
She was the rest and the only thing in my world.
Laying on the shore, skygazing.
The clouds could become anything we wanted them to, there were no boundaries, there were no limitations, only our imagination as the only barrier. And her imagination was one of the most colorful and brilliant i ever met. Not a single cloud remained without turning into something never seen before. From trees to animals, pieces of furniture, sweets, fruits...
Anything she could paint on the clouds, and anything i would give right now to see her one more time, to feel her warmth on my shoulder, to hear her give birth to new clouds.


But life isnt that easy, those were words spoken by her while in her deathbed, still, you must carry on. You have to do it for yourself, but in times you may not find the strenght, then do it for me, for all the things we havent done yet, for all that life still owes me.
Keep living for me, for my memory, for as long as you life, i will live within you adn shall not die.
My body may have become fragile but my mind is still as bright as the first day we met, wouldnt you agree?
I could just nod while i held my tears back.
It wasnt fair, we had barely even met...
What is two years in the life of a man?
From that time we had met in the park until this day only two short years had passed, and that wasnt time enought to enjoy a persons company. I knew her, but i didnt fully know her, and that had been my only desire.
I had made my vows despite us not being married.
I had promised myself that i would keep her from harm,  that through any kind of weather id want us to be together, that id get to know her entirely, every inch of her skin, every corner of her mind, be for her a shoulder to cry on...
And there were many things i would not be able to do...
Her illness made her condition worse every day. The doctors said that her lifespan shortened every hour.
I couldnt bear the thought of losing her, thats why i remained by her side the entire time.
Are you ok, honey? she asked.
What could i tell her? I was in pain, but the suffering she had to go through made my misery seem... so little.
Yes, yes i am ok. Was all i could say.
I grabed her hand tightly and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She smiled weakly.
That night she passed away.
It was like in one of those books she liked to read. Peacefully, silently...
After she expired her last breath my eyes started cascading uncontrollably.
Now the pain was on me.
I lay on her and cryed my entire being out on her.
All our shared memories coming back to my mind, all the times spent together, the good times, the not so good times, in which she would just storm out of the room and lock herself up.
At that time i thought it bitter and cruel of her.
Now it seemed so feeble and unimportant.
Everything did.


The sun had set.
Time had passed.
She had told me that one time that i had to live on for the both of us and her wish i would fulfill.
I turned my gaze from the window.
The violin case in the corner of the room, just where she had left it.
I took some steps and hesitantly stood in front of it.
I had never had the courage to open it without her permission, but it felt as if it would be allright to do now.
I carefully lifted it from the ground and with it i went to the kitchen table.
That table used to be full of vegetables and fruits, now it was empty, as was the vast majority of the house.
I put the case on the table and undid the locks.
One of them shriecked, as if refusing to be opened.
I backed off.
Maybe it wasnt such a great idea, but it was open now, there was no turning back.
I lifted open the case.
There it was, her violin, untouched, uncorrupted, damned to be alone for all time now that nobody could play it, unable to cry...
I carefully took it out of the case. It was truly a work of art, to craft something so delicate.
It had her smell on it.
A solitary tear escaped my eye. I put it back to where it belonged and made my way to the doorway.
Just before i locked the door, i took one final peek inside.
Everything was where it should be, i could leave in peace.
I closed the door, took a deep breath and started walking with no direction, with no purpose yet.
I would find it though, i was sure of it.



I dont know when i had given in to sleep the night before, but it was unimportant.
I had been too hasty and she had left, that was all that mattered to me at that point in time.
*Had a good nights sleep?*
"I guess..."
*You guess? By the way, why didnt you sleep in the bed?*
"True, you didnt notice..."
*What is it i didnt notice?*
"We had a visitor"
*What do you mean, a visitor? We are in a sealed room, where nothing enters or exits except stacks of white paper, pens and pencils and food and sometimes even fresh blankets and clothing. There is no way we had someone come in here just like that*
"Wait till i explain and then it may not sound that crazy... or maybe it will sound even crazier now that i think about it..."
"It was a ghost...."
*A ghost?*
"A ghost"
*A ghost*
"Yeah, thats what i said!"
*Ok, you have gone mad, perfect*
"I havent gone mad, not yet at least, thanks for your support and understanding"
*Okay man, let me get this straight:
We have been imprisioned here for quite some time now. Noone has ever visited you in all this time, there are no doors in this room and only one source of light, which aint working at the moment anyway and only lights up when it feels like it and you have been spending way too much time feverishly writting whenever you have had the chance. It isnt absurd to think that you have lost your mind, is it?*
I gave him a cold look, which of course he couldnt see since the darkness engulfed everything in the room.
"I am not crazy" i said with determined voice "And i saw a ghost last night that came through the ceiling apparently, at least thats the way it took to leave, and started crying its heart out for reasons unknown to me."
Yes, i lied, but its not as if he would have believed me anyway.
*Ok man, whatever works for you...*
"You dont believe me, do you?"
*Nope, sorry*
"Nevermind then..."


The ghost...

A ghost visited me tonight.
I dont know how it got into the room or how it escaped afterwards, but not that those things matter.
I was sleeping soundly, not aware of my surroundings. I heard someone sobbing, so i slowly woke up. I felt the dim light in the center of the room even before i opened my eyes.
"Strange" i thought to myself "the bulb had never been lit while i was sleeping as far as i could tell"
I opened my eyes and there it was:
A ghost as white as a snowflake was floating in the middle of the room, crying its heart out.
I didnt know what to do at first, never having encountered such a being before, but i gathered all the courage i could muster and slowly slipped out of the bed, trying not to awake my companion. I slowly approached the ghost.
As i came nearer, i noticed it was a woman.
"lets hope its not a banshee" i thought to myself.
Whenever i remember this, i think of how foolish that thought was at that moment. Had it been a banshee, it would have left me deaf the moment it entered the room with its howling.
When i was right behind it, her, i didnt know how to address her at that time, i cleared my throat in order for her to notice my presence, in case she hadnt before.
She slowly turned to me, fear, anguish and terrible sadness in her eyes.
I was petrified. Never had i seen such a sad expression. She began to ascend in slow circular movements.
"wait, please dont go..." i told her, a crack of fear in my voice "i am lonely myself, i could use some company, so please, dont leave"
She looked down at me, confusion painted in her face along those sadness stricken eyes.
Time stood still while we looked each other in the eyes. She was probably pondering whether she should or shouldnt stay, i was hoping that she wouldnt choose to do the latter.
The confusion slowly faded from her face as did a little of the sadness and she descended back to my chamber floor.
"Arent you afraid of me?" she asked in a sweet voice, distorted by the tears and the fear of rejection.
"Why would i be afraid of you?" i asked back
"I am a ghost, an unholy being, untouchable, incorruptable, damned to walk the earth in this state,  crying..." her voice trailed off.
"I see neither unholyness nor damnation in you. I see..." i had to stop.
What was i going to say, that i found her beautiful? That i hadnt seen such precious eyes in a long time? That i had the irresistible feeling that i wanted to hug her, confort her?
I couldnt just tell her that, could i?
She would probably just vanish into thin air and i would be left alone again in my silvery cage.
"I see a spirit in distress" the words that left my mouth.
"That is mostly correct i am afraid to concede" she admitted and looked at the floor.
"May i ask what is the source of your sorrow?"
"You  may, and i may even answer..."
"Then, what is it that causes you this much pain?"
She looked up at me, right in the eyes. A solitary tear escaped her right eye. She put both of her hands on her chest and looked back down again.
"Oh... i see" was the only thing i could bring myself to say at that point.
"It wasnt too long ago either" she murmured.
"Heartaches dont go away that fast i guess... it takes time to close up some wounds. Especially if its pain stricken hearts..."
"It hurts so much..."
I got closer to her and tried to hug her, but it was futile.
My arms went right through her.
She noticed what i had wanted to do and backed off a little, terror painted in her eyes.
"I didnt mean to, i mean, i wanted to, but i didnt remember, i..."
"Sorry" was all she said before she started to vanish.
"NO" i almost shouted "please, let me explain, dont leave" hopelessness pouring out of my mouth "please promise you will come back another time"
"Maybe..." she murmured before the went through the ceiling into the outer world.
And so i was yet again left alone in my dark room.


After the Storm

The nightmares subsided, my world turned back to normal.
 Four walls, a floor and a ceiling with a lightbulb hanging from it, all covered in darkness.
 Never had this blackness felt this good.
*You alright?*
"Yeah, i guess... I..."
 "Im back... stronger than before"
 *You know what they say, what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger*
 "Guess its true, i feel as if i have been reborn. Some things make more sense now, others just make sense despite being absurd before. I can see..."
*In this darkness?*
"Its a figure of speech..."
*I know, im just teasing*
"Ok then, i think i might take a nap unless the bulb lights up soon"
*Sounds good to me, but there is plenty of food over there*
"Over where? Nevermind"
I searched the room for the food i was told there was. After some time i found the tray. It tasted great, i didnt actually remember wether it was better or worse than the one i had been given before, it didnt matter anymore. I had gone through a hell-like experience, i suffered, i cried, but now the blindfold had fallen.
The bulb lit up.
My eyes scanned the room in search for the papers and the pen. I felt like i had to writte down what i went through, i had to create something out of nothing.
Just like i had given life to my nightmares, now i wanted to shape my dreams and desires.

 IMPRESSIONS Impressions
that lies beneath a city made of gold
please let me inside
uncover your beauty
let me see your soul
your façade cant disguise the beauty inside that lies
to others maybe, but you cant decieve me
everything turns to water and flows
into the well

new hope arises from it
everything reborn anew
a new chance to make things right
althought it might have seemed it was well
deep inside there were troubles inside your head

let your soul fly into heavens
seek salvation from this world
leave this corrupted place

search for salvation
seek restoration

(PS: The song Impressions belongs to Ariadna Martin)


The cactus and other horrors

I just dont feel up to the task of living through this day.
That was the first thought that crossed my mind that day. A long, restless night had left me devastated.
The message in the middle of the night, telling both good and bad news.
My feelings right now?
I cant describe...
Just a pain somewhere deep inside me i cant neither locate nor compare to anything felt before.
Id like to say so much, yet i feel like i should remain silent for the sake of... for the sake of I dont know...
The best way to describe how i feel right now is to make a comparison with the story of the boy and the cactus. I feel like the boy, hugging tight to the cactus, hurting himself, slowly bleeding away while the cactus shares my pain and silently begs me to stop hugging him for my sake.
But i cant stop...
I keep on hugging and the cactus, despite trying to show afection and sometime getting the message across, remains silent for now.
Tears roll down my face, burn my cheecks.
I take the cup and willingly take a sip, i did it quite some time ago, knowing that it could contain either the sweetest liquor or the most bitter poison i had ever tasted.
Right now it tastes bitter like death.
It tasted somewhat sweet at first. Over time, its taste changed and varied from sweet to bitter sometimes in just a few seconds, still i drank.
Over time it has gotten somewhat sour, but the possibility of it getting sweet again made me keep drinking.
I could experience the joy of its sweetness some nights, just to be confronted with its bitternes at breakfast.
Why did i take this cup? What did i see in it?
For some, it may not be the best, it may not be richly decorated, but posseses a power that no other cup could ever wish to have.
If you got lucky, this cup would turn any drink into the best ever tasted, all the bitter sips that may be poured inside would turn into liquid gold.
A kind of philosophers cup that would make life so sweet. Yet if unlucky, you may stumble upon this cup without the necessary knowledge and taste the worst drink ever brewed.

The light hadnt turned on for the past few days.
I had to writte in the dark, not knowing how the outcome would look like and even if it would be legible.
Still i wrote frantically, like some kind of possesed maniac with an unknown purpose.
I wrote both during day and night, for in the dead of night only awaited loneliness and nightmares.
But not the usual nightmares, no. My fate was far worse than mere nightmares. They were memories brought back by my unconscious, deformed, distorted and horribly real.
I felt as if i had been there, experiencing all the pain and all the suffering i had done in the past, but multiplied by the distortion.
People i knew, people i loved all faded into darkness and came back as horrible shadows of their former selves, bringing torment unknown to any mortal man .
After the third day of getting no rest, the nightmares came true in form of hallucinations.
He tried to reassure and confort me with smooth words and hard facts:
"They are not real, snap out of it, you and i both kow they wouldnt do this to you, they werent like that, you do remember them, dont you? All the good times spent with them, all the memories, you have to try to remember the true events instead of the distortion"
All that didnt help, despite my efforts, i couldnt remember almost anything, thus rendering the hallucinations more real.

Im writting this on a scrap of paper, cornered, battered, beaten and destroyed.
I dont know if i will be able to survive through this day... Im trying, hell knows i am, but i dont seem to see nor a lantern nor a light at the end of my particular tunel.


Unusual lighting

The first time the bulb was lit i had had the inspiration to writte something down, but it wasnt like that always.
Many days the bulb lit up and i sat there, in the middle of the room, staring at the stack of white papers.
*Nothing* i answer.
*I just have nothing right now...*
"Well, dont worry too much about it. Im sure youy will get something in time"
*I sure hope so, i just cant stand the thought of being unable to writte anything down... I am afraid of everything bottling up inside me and then sudenly exploding unexpectedly*
"As i said, dont fret about it or it will get worse"
I look down at the papers. They whisper my name, they ask to be used, they want something to be written on them, but i cant feed them anything today.
My mind is as blank as them, my mind craving for ideas.
I sit up and walk towards a corner and sit down there.
"What are you doing?"
*Trying to relax, empty my mind...*
"If you say so..."
*Just give me 5 minutes, please*
I stayed in the dark corner till the bulb died out...
I cried for some time, the frustration of the unfullfilled tale in my head corroding me slowly.
I wept for quite some time, but he didnt aproach me nor tried to cheer me up, he understood what was happening to me and decided that it was better to leave me be for the time being.

I looked forward and i saw nothing. The future seemed as black as the room.
A note hit me... then a chord.... then the whole song flowed in my mind.
I stood up, i had to writte something, but i had no light.
I touched with my hands the gound in front of me and advanced until i felt the papers under my palm.
I tried to search for the pen, but i just couldnt find it.
I had to find the pen, i just had to, else it would be my doom.
Light filled the room, the bulb had lit up once again.
Although this was a strange event, i paid no attention to it, i needed to writte...


1000 pages of unwritten text

The first days of my imprisonment were hell.
I had nothing, absolutely nothing to do.
I wandered the room again and again until i fell on my knees exhausted and fell to sleep.
One day when i woke up he was there...
"Good Morning" He greeted me.
*Who are you?* i asked somewhat shocked to discover my torment had been set upon another soul besides myself.
"Funny you ask me that, you should know yourself"
*I have been trapped here for god knows how much time and you expect me to know you?*
"You have been trapped here only 13 days..."
*How do you even know that?*
"I know many things, for instance i know that soon you will have something to do..."
*WHO are you, HOW do you know that and WHO sent you?*
"I was sent by nobody but yourself, you called me here. I am... that is not that important right now, the important thing is that you will see light in 3...2...1..."
My eyes were momentarily blinded by the light that came from a lighting bulb hanging by the ceiling.
The middle of the room was now quite well lit and the rest lay in a gloomy glow.
There, in the middle of the room, lay sheets of paper and a pen.
"you like it?"
I couldnt say a word.
I felt mesmerized by the sheets of paper, the pen drawing me closer as if it were a magnet.
I took steps towards the middle of the room.
As soon as i reached the sheets, i dropped to my knees, grasped the pencil and began writting:

All i ever wished for
all i ever wanted
was to see your smile
just one more time

All i ever longed for
all i ever craved for
was to share with you
just one more day

All the stars are shining
and the light is blinding
No i wont see
you except in my mind

It hurts me so
to not know
whats is going
through your

It pains me to know
they i may as well be
wasting my time

Despite this i'll show
you that i care and
you are deep inside my

All (that) ever existed
and was once created
is crumbling right before my

All the distant planets
all the foreign lifeforms
wandering through my mind
from time to time

All the bottled feelings
walking through
the tundra

slowly freezing up
and in due time

to you i will show
that there is an
option you might not

why wont you let me
break through the
barrier you have

Just let me cross
the field that
is covered in

The Absolute Terror
reflected in your eyes
you can not hide

This was the first song of the many that were to come...


How did i get here?

I cant really recall too much of what happened when i first arrived at this place.
I woke up one day and i was in here. I couldnt remember anything up to that point either, so I panicked. Running around the room, checking the walls for any signs of a door or window or anything that could lead me out of that place.
It was useless.
I was trapped inside a dark room, absolutely disconnected from the outer world.
After i recovered from the initial shock, i started trying to remember how i had gotten there and who i was before i arrived at this place.
I couldnt even remember my name, i could remember some apparently random concepts and images.
I remembered an landscape covered in snow, a cementery, a grave in the shape of a suffering angel. Some strange simbols also came to mind: 天使 水 神 男 人 絶望。
I could only picture those things in my mind, nothing else would come.
Then, suddenly, a song started playing inside my brain.
I felt the power of every chord, of every single note, flowing through me, filling me up.
I fell on the floor, unable to control my body. I had a vision.
I was in the middle of the landscape I had seen before, but this time I wasnt alone.
I was in the middle of a circle of people whom I couldnt recognize, their faces hidden behind a black hood.
*Do you really know me?* I screamed at the top of my lungs.
They all waved their heads.
They were there, surrounding me, not letting me escape, yet they didnt really know me.
They were there tu fullfil the task they had been given, mindlessly following instructions given by a superior power whom they had never encountered in person...
They all took out a gun from their robes and pointed them at me.
*Could i learn to be like you some day?* I pleaded.
They waved their heads once again.
I closed my eyes, ready for what was about to happen.
A gunshot.
I fall slowly. The world stops spinning for me for a brief moment in time. hen it returns to its normal speed and i hit the snow.
I look down as my blood starts to soack the snow.
*Can you see my blood when I am bleeding?* I ask them as they look down at me.
They wave a third time.
I look up to the sky. Some clouds beginn to move and a ray of light shines on me.
I can feel my soul departing my body and flying up t heaven.
But heaven is closed and my soul returns to my body.
Seems not even my death will be easy.
I closed my eyes one last time.

I snapped back to reality.
Darkness all around me, solitude as my only companion and a future that seemed even darker than the room I was lying in.


The four walls

I woke up in darkness as I was used to by now. It didnt surprise me anymore.
"Finally awake?"
*good morning to you too*
It had been some time since I had those kinds of nightmares. And this one was new too.
"Good night rest?"
*make a wild guess*
"ou ou ou, i love guessing... Uhhh a nightmare?"
"Abooout... Water!"
*Yeah, somewhat related to water, I gotta admit that you are getting better at this*
"So much time together is finally paying up"
*As if there was anything positive about you being with me*

A dark room with just a matress, some blankets and a wc with a sink.
This is where I spend my days, or nights, I have absolutely no idea about what is going on in the outside world.
Every time I wake up there is a tray with some plates on it lying near my bed. It contains the three basic meals. Someone is keeping me alive in here for no apparent reason.
"Hey! Whats for breakfast?"
*Havent had time to check, gimme a second sheesh*
I crawled out of bed and searched for the tray. As usual it was only a few feet away from the mattres.
*Today we got...* i said as my hand made its way cross the tray * apples*
*Stop bitching, not like this is a hotel and we guests, be grateful we got something to eat*
I grab an apple and give it a huge bite. Its tasty and juicy. I smell it and let the smell fill my nosetrills with its aroma. The smell is nice for a change. The dark room doesnt smell bad, but it doesnt smell good either. It has the basic facilities, true, but it lacks so much at the same time. A simple working light bulb would be like a treasure.
Four walls in which I really cant do much. I have plenty of time to think, but that just isnt enough.
I have wondered why I am here, why I am being kept alive.
No answer comes to mind.
"Watcha thinking bout?"
*Why are we here?*
"I stopped wondering some time ago"
*You never wondered in the first place, you just went along*
"Got me"
*'Course i did*
I didnt know what was gonna happen, all I knew was what had happened until now...


The Awakening

I woke up surrounded by darkness. I could see nothing at all.
I could hear the sound of drops of water when falling on a pond.
*Where am I?*
It could have been a dungeon or something like that, but i didnt have shakles of any sort on any part of my body.
Sewers perhaps?
Couldnt be. It didnt smell bad or foul.
*Where am i then?*
Many thoughts crossed my mind and even more questions arose from the depths.
*How did i get here in the first place? I really cant recall anything besides waking up here...*
*I better move*
I had to find out what my surroundings looked like. I crawled in one direction, using my hands as antennae.
I had to come to a sudden stop.
*Nothing... there is nothing here*
*How is it possible?*
I tried to remain calm and tried my luck in another direction, just for the same outcome.
I tried other directions, but it was always the same. After some meters, there was absolutely nothing. I had had some hope when crawling in the last direction that remained unchecked, maybe that one would be different from the rest.
But the cold reality hit my face like a wet towel.
There was nothing there, i was sitting in the middle of an island, stranded.
The sound of the water was slowly driving me insane.
*Could there be a pond beneath this island?*
Its seemed like a crazy idea, but the whole situation was, so maybe it could even make sense.
The trickling sound bore into the back of my head, my mind telling me to make a leap of faith and jump.
*Its not like i will be able to survive much time on this island anyway. There are only two posibilities: either i die when hitting the ground or there is a pond and i can look for an exit...*
I stood on my two feet.
I had to make a decision now.
The sound of the drops inviting me to jump, my survival instincts telling me to remain on the island and wait for something to happen.
One step forward...
Forward to an unknown future.
Forward to what could be a certain death.
Forward to discovering a truth that could either hurt or be most precious to me.
Another step, and another and another...
That was it, half of my foot was now over the abyss.
I have to do something.
I am standing on the verge of what could be death.
My foot slips, i fall...
The wind blows through my hair, it feels good.
The last drop hits the surface.