Learning from the learned

Dont look back under any circumstance, they say.
There is a saying: do not look back even to catch your breath.
But sometimes it is good to look back, to see how things were before, how you were before.
Taking into account your past is sure something helpful when confronting the present and the future, and that is something we forget one too many times.
When I look back, I see many pages full of words, I see hidden meanings, I see a lot of books that I read and enjoyed, I see what I did right, what I did wrong.
I look back, at the footsteps behind my back, and I see how much I have learned, but that does not blurr my vision for the future, for I know there is still a lot to learn.
Being eager to learn not only means investing time and energy into learning something in the present, but learning from the past, dont forget that.


Doing wrong, being wrong

It is ironic how I expected others to do things for me I was not prepared to do for them.
Many times had I wondered why no one cared, why no one left any sort of message, and then I realised that the problem was also embedded within me. I was not giving them what I asked them to do for mw, so how could I sincerely expect them to do anything?
I was lucky I came to that realization before it was too late.
It was thanks to a little project I had started and nobody except me knew about.
But that little project helped me see the hipocrisy of my ways.
Now I am willing to give to others what I would like to receive and i really believe that someday it might pay off and I will be able to see the results of my actions.

PS: any comment about this blog, wether good or bad, would mean the world to me, consider leaving one before closing this entry. Thank you for reading.


Art as in Artist

Nothing is as easy as it looks...
Walking is something you learned, you dont remember, but you had a tough time.
Speaking, writting, running, reading, all that took so much effort even though you can not remember.
And keeping a diary is a difficult task, too.
Seating yourself in front of the white page, facing the challenge that is filling it with ink every single night telling an imaginary reader what you might have accomplished that day and what your dreams and hopes for the future are.
Noone besides you is going to read it, but despite that you put so much effort into elaborating something that is not only appealing to the eye, but also to the mind.
You, who keeps a diary, are challenging yourself to do something just for the fun of it, you are incredible.
You are creating something for the sake or art, and art will repay you sooner or later.
Keep that in mind


breaking a habit, making a habit

They say it's very difficult to break a habit but I know for sure that it's also very hard to make one.
Darkness had accompanied me most of my time during my first few weeks, I think it might have been weeks but I can't be sure since there was no way to keep track of time, and the light seemed at first comforting company.
But it was not enough.
I had to do something, there were just too many spare hours in my days that were wasting away due to my inability to actually do something.
I had to change that, but in order to do so I would have to make a habit, no easy task for someone like me.
I am the kind of person who has trouble when starting something, the first step is the most difficult one for me, once I get that one going, the rest just comes naturally, just as the words on this paper are being written without previous thought.
There was paper and there were writting utensils, I needed nothing more appart from that and the light bulb hanging from the ceiling.
So there I silently sat staring at the satinated stern walls with no thought in mind regarding what I should write down, what could be relevant, what could even transcend someday, if and only if I were to get out of here.
But suddenly it came, the idea that started all this madness, the spark of sanity in the sea of caos that had become my mind for the past minutes.
Just write
It seemed so simple and yet so incredibly vague that it frightened me.
Just write?
Just write
Write for yourself, write for the ones that will never see this pages, write for the ones who will, write for someone who might be trapped as you are, write for the free, write for the young, write for the old, for the ones already gone and the ones that have yet to come
Just write
And so I sat down and began writting down everything I could remember about how I had gotten into this mess and how my existence had carried on trapped in between these four walls.


I've always wanted to become a surgeon, said the writter

In a prelude to a book I read, I stumbled upon a story that changed my perspective on writting.
The man said he had to attend to all these meetings with fancy people and give them conversation.
During those he would always encounter one or two that approached him, I think it is my obligation to inform you that he was a writter, and told him how they had always wanted to get their little novels and other writtings published.
He would usually dismiss the topic falsely encouraging them to carry on with their literary adventure, but as time passed yet the same kind of people approached him with the very same topic, he thought of a better way to dismiss them.
He told them about how he had always wanted to become a surgeon.
The shocked and surprised faces of the people were priceless.
In order to become a writer, you have to write, there is no other way around.
You have to write a lot and have to read a lot, and when I say a lot I mean a huge amount.

I hope I will be able to take this advice to heart and start writting on a more regular basis...
Only time will tell wether I was or not able to accomplish such a feat...
Wish me luck...

(Adaptation from the introductory text of a stephen king book ill mention in a future entry)


The dark corner

I have always been of the ones that thinks that social psychology is something useful not only to individuals, but to humankind. If on the way to new discoveries you need some people to confront some of their deepest character traits, then so be it.
Today i found myself confronted with some thoughts that are too much for me to handle.
Im in a dark corner of my mind, watery eyes, frustration building up inside and ugly thought coming to live.
i want to ignore them, think that I am not that kind of person, that i can control it, but i am affraid that some day i wont be able to, that some day i will have an outburst that will blow everything away from me.
I am affraid, deadly affraid.
I want to cry, I cant.
I want to have her by my side, I need her, I need to tell her how much she means to me and how some decisions make me turn bad.
The worst thing is that i have seen that dark side of me before, yet i have ignored it or attributed it to external forces.
But the problem is inside me, and I will have to deal with it sooner or later...



Why do you poison me?
You say you love me, you say you want to see me fly
yet every day you rip some of my feathers off
and off i go into solitude and confinement
for the resentment i feel is way beyond words
that may describe any emotion
Devotion is what you think i should feel
yet nothing nearly as good forms in
my wretched mind wandering
with the wind i go
and with the wind that brought me
ill leave
not alone
not affraid
not broken


Only one

Only one can understand what it means to live, to struggle with those little problems that look like mountains when we have to face them and, when looking back, are nothing more than molehills.
Only one can understand what those little things mean to us, what they entize, how valuable they are.
And you sit in front of me, Queen of my dreams, giving me everything and nothing at the same time, caring yet neglecting me, boosting yet loathing me, kissing yet killing me.
Only we can understand what this means, what the one means, what we feel.
I remember your warmth every morning, I picture your smile and the sun rises up in the sky, I imagine your pain and darkness clouds my domain.
One so powerful, with such grace, giving away pleasure and pain.
To you I deem these lines, my only one.

She looks up from the torn piece of paper.
"Who is the recipient of this letter?"
*Nobody right now, but perhaps in the future there will be somebody to whom I will send it*
"But how can you speak about somebody you do yet not know?"
*Because I know myself and I know what my feelings will be, who she is matters not, who I am does*
*I wrote that on a gloomy day, dont mind it too much*
I hold my hand towards her and she places the torn piece of paper in it.
*Time to move, is it not?*
"Damn right it is, you lazy-ass"
*Good morning to you too, Daemon*
"Less chit-chat and more moving, I wanna see the sunlight"
I sigh deeply as I rearrange the contents of the folder for the last time.
*Done... I think*
"Lets do it then"
*Yeah, lets head out*


To a white paper

Dont stare at me like that, its not like I want to see you like this.
My most inner desire is to clothe you, to give you meaning, to give you something to be remembered for, but I am not sure I will be able to do that today.
Today is not a rainy day, so I can not clothe you with water drops.
Today is not a sunny day, so I can not clothe you with sunshine.
Today is not a cloudy day, so I can not clothe you with soft clouds.
Today is not a foggy day, so I can not make a translucent veil that may cover just some parts of your beauty.
Today is not a snowy day, so I can not make you a white winter cape.
Today is just a dark day and I cant see your beauty at all.
I will make you a dress made of dew, for my tears are starting to flow and I would dislike to see them spilled in vain.
Please give me one more day, just one more, to make you shine through, let everybody see you and admire your beauty, your grace, your wisdom.
Today I can only offer my words, tomorrow I will offer the world.


夏 の 花火

All of her body relaxes
she lets go of the bedsheets, she closes her eyes and her head tilts to the side, and the pressure slowly fades away.
"Oh my god..." she manages to say
"And we are not even done yet"
"What?!" her body tenses again and her eyes glare at me
"I am not done yet"
"Do it by yourself then, I can not go on"
"But you will, it would be unfair otherwise. Besides, remember that thing you wanted me to do last time and we couldnt?"
Sparkles start building up in her eyes
"Today is the day"
She recovers her strenght surprisingly fast and get up from her position
I lay on my back and watch as she climbs on me, shivering with anticipation.
One leg on each side of me, she slowly lowers herself.
"Do it slowly" I whisper as I place my hands on her hips.
I love these hips, these legs, I just love every part of her body, every inch of her skin. And I also lust after each of the aforementioned . So my mind goes blank as I see her velvet sinking unto my pulsating erection.
As her lower lips touch the tip of me, a little bit of her love juice leaks out and rolls down my shaft.
I lift my hips a bit so that I poke her.
"Ah... what are you doing? Arent I the one who is supposedr to be in charge?" she scolds me
"I am just not too obedient I guess" I tell her and stick out my tongue
I poke her once again. This time she reacts by holding my arms down and lowering herself a little bit more.
My tip starts entering her wet treasure.
The pressure increases as she get me inside of her.
I reach her deepest spot, and she lets out a moan as she tries to rise herself a little, but it is futile, pleasure has overcome her.
She lets herself down completely, she pressure increases one more time, and she starts slowly grinding back and forth.
She rises her gaze to the ceiling and increases the rythm.
"So, do you like it?"
"I love it" she replies
"What is it that you love?"
"I love your cock"
"And where do you love it?"
"Inside of me, grinding me hard" as soon as she finishes the sentence, sha starts to moan, louder and louder.
The rythm increases, the pressure does too.
I put my hands on her hips one more time and help her grind with more strenght than before.
I start panting heavily as the pleasure builds up inside of me
"Im close" I tell her
"Just... ah ... just a bit... hmmm . moooore"
Her face adapts an aggresive expression as she rides me even with more force than before, I let go of her as I am unable to keep up. her thighs rubbing agains my legs, her powerful grinding against me, the sweat on her body, glistening, mesmerizing me. All i see is the sheer beauty of a moment in time, a momento we are gonna keep forever burnt in our minds, as this time is very special for us.
I reach out with my hands to hold hers, she entwines her fingers with mine.
We look each other in the eyes as I feel Im about to explode in pleasure and her moans go on.
And then the magic happens:
I thrust while she grinds, she orgasms as she lets out one last moan, my pleasure, built up all this time, erupts and I fill her insides with my seed.
The magic of the moment lingers in the air as we are drawn back to reality.
All strenght leaves her body and she falls on me, I hug her tightly and kiss her gently.
We stay like this for a while, our mixed juices pouring out of her and onto me and the bed.
She lifts her head a bit to be face to face.
"You did it" she says with a tired smile on her face "You actually did it"
"Does look like it, doesnt it?"
"I love you"
"I love you too"
A passionate kiss signs the end of this soiree.

"Shower?" I ask some minutes later.
"We do need it, dont we?"
"Yeah... and I cant wait to wash that hot body of yours"
"Quiet unless you want to shower alone"
I smile at her and playfully spank her butt
"Last warning"
"Ok ok, I get it"
I close the door behind me and we both enter the shower.


Spring firework

I thrust with all the strenght I can gather.
Her eyes open wide as her mouth drops open and a loud moan escapes from her.
"All in" I tell her.
She softly bites her lip.
We stay like this for a while, enjoying each other in this particular position.
"Gonna move, ok?" I ask.
She nods and gets her arms behind her head, getting ready for what she knoew is going to happen.
I get myself out a little and the start soflty grinding in and out of her.
Each time i get in i feel the warmth of her inner walls.
"You are soaking wet, how do you justify it?"
"You turn me on too much" she admitts in between soft moans that she lets out each time I reach her deepest spot.
"Oh, I do?"
I get my erection out of her, jump out of the bed and position myself at where the footboard ought to be.
She looks up, dissapointment in her face, but that soon changes as I grab her ankles and pull her closer to me.
"I want you to feel me like you have never before"
She gives me a wry smile and cooperates, getting her spot close to my erection.
She then lays down, licks her lips and gives me a devilish look, asking me to love her rough.
I pull her legs closer to me and put them up.
I hug them against me and put my dick at the entrance of her velvet.
And the show starts again, but this time more vigorously.
I pound her again and again, using her legs to thrust with more force.
Each time my abdominal muscles hit her legs, she moans loudly.
I increase the rythm.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it. Do it harder, do it faster, please"
"What was that, I couldnt hear you" I tell her while i increase the speed
"Fa a a a aster, pleeeeeaseeeeee"
"As you wish"
At this point i have to really use all of my body to keep up with her demands, but it is worth it.
She is dripping wet and it feels as if I am going to melt inside her, the pressure she transfers on every inch of my shaft is deliciously painful.
"Im... coming" she whispers
"Oh, you are?"
"Yes.. Im coming... Im coming... Im...."
I give a deeper thrust than before.
Her head yanks back she lets out a scream, starts shivering, grabs the sheets with both hands and pulls them near her.

Monster inside of me

I open my left eye
I open my right eye
"What... the ...hell...?"
"I dont think you should open your left eye, its completely bloodshot and doesnt look too good" She nervously tells me as she rummages the house.
I close both of my eyes and try to get up, which proves far more difficult than it should, but on the other hand I am accustomed to easy things becoming  almost impossible.
"Is the daemon here with us? I cant seem to remember seeing him inside as the Morph jumped in to deffend us from those Banshees.
"Yes" she whispers "He is over there"
I open my right eye to see where she is pointing at, the far corner of the room that is barely lit.
I get on all fours and start making my way towards my daemon. With each step I can distinguish a little more of his silhouette.
He doesnt resemble me at all right now, he is bigger, buffer and has much longer hair.
Wait a minute...
"Daemon?" I ask quietly
"Have you... Have you..."
"Yes, I have morphed, took me a lot of effort. Dont come closer, I need to rest and recover from my wounds. Oh, and cover that left eye of yours if you dont want to go partially blind"
"I got that" she shouts from somewhere inside the house and shortly after appears with an eye patch.
I take it from her and place it over my left eye.
"Now that this has been taken care of..." I mutter "What happened to you?"
The daemon is breathing deeply and I can feel how difficult it is for him to catch each breath.
"How should I know? I saw you trip just a few inches away from the door and I feared everything would be over, I panicked."
"And you turned into a wolf like antropomorphic creature..."
"Does seem that way" he chuckles "Just give me some time to recover and I might be able to explain what happened or at least what I think happened. Ask her to tell you about our great escape from the room, that sure is a nice story"
"Come over here, lets not disturb him" she tells me, her voice calm
I get to the other side of the room and lay on the floor in order to not waste any of the precious energy that could be left in me.
"My writtings!" I get up fast as lightning and look around the room.
She places her hand on my cheeck  "Hush now, they are near the door, dont worry, I took care of them as we escaped"
I settle down, reliefed that at least my legacy is safe.
"What is the last thing you remember about the room and our escape?"
"Uhhh" I hesitate. I dont really remember anything besides the last night I spent there "Nothing related to the escape itself Im affraid"
"Well... Then i have a lot of telling to do"


Shinning through

She inhales deeply before letting out a sigh.
On her fours, she makes her way around the bed to place herself so that her face confronts my crotch.
"Happy, arent we?" she asks, sparks in her eyes
"Maybe, maybe, care to find out by yourself?" I tell her as I wink at her
She unbuttons my pants and places her right hand on my erection, strocking it gently.
I cant help it and let out an almost inaudible moan, I really want her to touch me.
She smiles at me and bites the pull tab of my zipper, slowly she brings it down.
The only noise in the room right now is the zipper being pulled down.
Once she is done, I look up and nod at her, as if urging her to go on with her activity.
Once again she strockes me, but this time it feels even better. I can feel the warmth of her hand even through my underwear and just the thought of her touching me is going to drive me wild.
"Come on..." I whisper
"Im just taking my fair amount of time, you did the same, remember?"
My head yanks backwards when she grabs my erection firmly with her hand.
Up and down... up and down her hand moves and I can feel myself getting bigger.
"My... is it gonna keep growing?" she asks, a hint of playful surprise in her voice.
"If you keep heating me up like you are right no, it might as well happen" I manage to answer.
I try to get up and kiss her, but she holds me back with both of her hands as she shakes her head.
"No no no, its my turn. Let me do my stuff"
"Ok... ok, but I cant guarantee your safety if you keep harrasing me like this"
"You are always so impatient when it comes to you"
She places her hands on my hip, grabs the sides of my underwear and pants and pulls them down.
My erection, free from the shackles of the underwear, pops up, happy to be free and points directly at her face.
"There there, little guy" she whispers as she brings her mouth closer to my erection.
She stops just a few centimeters away and breathes lightly on me.
Im really going to go insane if she keeps this up, I want her badly
She notices my pain, smiles and licks the tip.
I moan.
She licks again.
I moan again.
I lift my head a little, our eyes meet.
"Please" I beg
She smiles deviantly and fits my whole erection into her mouth.
I close my eyes and let the sensations get control of me.
The warmth, the pressure, her hands caressing me, her tongue playing with me.
I stay like that for a while, eyes closed, mouth open, letting her work her wonders on my body.
She slowly lets go of me, I open my eyes and look up at her.
"What now?"
"Now its time to get this going" she answers as she comes closer to kiss me.
A deep kiss, full of the emotions that now float in the room.
"I want you" she whispers in my ear
"Then you will get plenty of me" I whisper back "What are we gonna start with today, top or bot?"
"I want you to show me how wild I drive you, Im going to lay down, you do whatever you please"
With that she lays flat on the bed and gives me a defiant look.
"Oh, you are getting so much more than you can ever imagine"
I position myself so that my erection is at her entrance and prod it lightly.
She moans very softly with each of my pokes.
I grind my lenght on her entrance, she closes her eyes, grasps the bedsheets and bites her lips gently.
"Come on..." she beckons
"Aske for it" I snap at her
I know she likes it rougher as the intensity of the moment grows.
"in me..."
"I cant hear you, louder"
"Still cant hear you, dont you want it?"
"Get it in me, please I beg you, take me!" she desperately says
Now she is in the mood to enjoy this best, as am I.
I place my erection one more time at her entrance.
"Get ready for this, its coming in one-shot..."

PS: Just wanted to say that any feedback I could get from my readers would very much be appreciated.
Also, telling me your favoured story-arc might encourage me to work more on it.
My most sincere thank you for reading my blog

Fire consumes it all

"You get rid of it"
"You are quite stubborn today" I tell her as I get up from the bed "Fine, you win this round, but I will win this battle"
She gives me a quizzical look.
"Oh, its from a Rammstein song. Woll ihr das Bett in Flammen sehen? It translates to: Do you want to see the bed on fire? There is a part of the song in which they sing: Sex is a battle and love is war."
As I explain to her, I undo the button of her jeans.
Even after all this time, excitement runs through my body whenever I get to undress her.
"Lift your butt a little"
I grab the pants' cuffs and start pulling, unveiling her beautiful legs.
Once I am done with that I take a step back to enjoy the view.
She is lying on the bed, legs spread,  flushed face with only her underwear to offer some protection against my hungry eyes.
"What time is it?"
"What... time?" she hesitantly asks.
I nod as I get closer to the bed. I cant resist my urge anymore and start caressing her legs.
God I love these legs, so stunningly beautiful they are to me, so precious.
My train of thought is interrupted by her voice.
"Its 7:12"
"Time for a snack" I tell her with a broad smile on my face.
I climb on the bed and place my hands on her hips.
"Im affraid Im going to have to take this away, it is standing in the way of my meal"
I dont give her enough time to react. I grab the sides of her underwear and pull it down.
She lets out a gasp just before I place my arms under her legs and my tongue on her muffin.
This is probably the best taste known to man.
She lets out soft moans as my tongue gently moves.
"I... I want yours too"
I look up at just to see her flushed face begging me to fulfill her desire.
"Allright allright"
I get up from my position and lay one more time next to her.
"What are you doing?" she asks
"If you want it, you are gonna have to work for it" I explain  and give her a quick kiss
"Thats mean"
"No, its fair, I undressed you and took care of yours, now you just have to do the same, no more, no less"

"Damn, Kelly, have you taken a look at this?"
"At what?"
"At the erotic writting he left behind"
"He left what behind?"
"Erotic writtings, here, read the first part"
"Oh... my..."
"And there is plenty more where that came from"
"I am not sure if I want to give it a shot... I mean, I am curious, but..."
"Look, if you are curious, just read it, its not like its something unnatural"
"I know, I know, but still..."
"Here is the second part"


A spark lights a fire

Dim moonlight, a mug with my favourite tea, my trusty chair holding my weight.
*Tonight is the night...*
I stare once again at the white paper that I have been confronting for the past month.
"You son of a bitch. The tyranny ends tonight"
I glance at the moon one last time as I open the netbook and type in my password.
*Loading... this OS gets slower by the day. Finally... now open notepad...*

*Knock* *Knock*
So many times have I knocked on this door that I dont feel as nervous as I did the first time, still there is the lingering sensation of impatience that refuses to leave me.
The door opens...
*Hi there*
She greets me from behind the door, letting me see only half of her face: half of her smile, only one of her beautiful almond eyes, some freckles on her nose and her auburn hair cascading on her shoulder.
I get myself inside without a word and forcefully kiss her, wrapping my arms around her slender body.
"Close the door" I whisper and start licking her left ears lobule.
She lets out a soft moan as she closes the door and pushes me away gently.
"Anxious?" she playfully asks as she looks me in the eyes.
"More like hungry for you"
With a swift movement I move behind her and lift her on my arms.
Once she is perfectly settled I make my way into the bedroom.
"Are you not even going to ask how my day was or how I am feeling?"
"Whatever happened till now is gonna be in the shadow of what I am planning doing to you right now" I give her a quick kiss on her forehead.
She giggles and gently strokes my hair.
She helps me open the bedroom door and i make my way in front of the bed.
"Soft or rough?" I whisper.
"First soft, then very rough" she answers as she gives me a wild look.
I softly place her on the bed and put myself next to her.
"How was your day? Feeling well?"
"Im not going to answer to that anymore, should have asked when you had the chance"
"Feeling ready?" I whisper in her ear as I place my hand on her breast.
"Ready as ever" she moans.
I gently press my lips against hers as I massage her breast with my hand still over her clothes.
As our kisses become more passionate, our tongues search for the others company and start an erratic dance in between our mouths.
I stop massaging and slide my hand under her clothing and bra, finally getting the touch of her bare skin under my fingers. Its warm and very tender. I give a soft massage to the whole breast before pinching the nipple a little bit.
"Take your shirt off" I tell her "I want to see you in all your splendor"
She hesitates at first but then gives in to my demand, She pushes my hand away and slips out of her shirt.
"Dont forget the bra"
She rolls her eyes as she skillfully unhooks the bra with a swift twist of her hand.
As soon as her bra falls on the sheets, I pounce  her and voraciously start licking and sucking on her nipples.
Her head lashes back and she lets out soft, continuous moans.
I love how they taste and her moans tell me she doesnt dislike me doing it either.
As my left hand massages her breast and I enjoy the taste of the twin, I slowly start moving my hand towards her belly.
"What are you doing?" she manages to ask under her ragged breath.
I let go of her nipple.
"Im taking care of you, all of you"
I give her a quick kiss on her lips and continue viciously licking her breasts as my hand travels down further.
My hand stumbles on her jeans.
"Guess what?" i ask her playfully "You are taking off your pants"
"What if i dont want to?" she asnwers defiantly
"Oh, i know you do want to, so make yourself and me that favor and get rid of them, you can keep your undies on if you wish"
Once again she hesitates...


The metamorph

Adrenaline pumping in my veins, almost replacing the blood which usually
makes its way there.
Bloodshot eyes, the thundering pumps of my heart echoing in my ears, the
force of each heartbeat tearing my sternum apart, burning lungs grasping for
the next breath, the lactic acid in my muscles threatening to tear them
If the banshees dont get me, I am going to die anyway due to all the shit
going on in my body right now.
Step by step, and breath by breath ,every second counts to escape my
But death seems as certain as it has ever been.
The howling grows louder, the shrieking pierces my ears.
I take a look back.
They are only 20 meters away while I am almost at the doorstep, but their
speed is mine tenfol and I cant imagine myself reaching the safety of the
I trip...
I fall...
Im virtually dead...
I am lucky enough to fall in such way that my eyes meet the cloud of dust
approaching my location.
Death approaching and I can witness my end.
My eyes go dry, I need to close them but I am affraid to.
I hear a roar.
Its nothing I have ever heard before, it doesnt sound neither human nor
natural, something not from this world.
And yet it also seems familiar, as if I had heard it before.
I dare to open my eyes and confront my inminent doom.
But what I see by far exceeds my expectations.
There is a faint red glow to the scene, a black antropomorphic fox-like
creature with a patch of red glowing hair and blood-red fangs is standing in
front of the banshees, showing its teeth, spicked hair on its back.
Its the only thing standing between me and the shrieking deathbringers.
I turn my gaze and meet hers. She is as baffled as I am but as she realises
what is going on, she quickly flies to me, grabs me by under my arms and
starts dragging me inside.
Its only 10 cm away now.
5 cm
1 cm
I reach out with my arm and grab the doorhandle.
The door opens and I fall on the floor.
The door closes behind me.
Just now I am again able to percieve the world around me.
I see her at the window, worried eyes looking at the morph.
It is waging a mental war against the pack standing in front of him.
I didnt really have time to wonder where my defender had come from or what
its motives were.
I slowly sink into unconsciousness...

Lost and Found

Tonight I look up to the sky.
Nothing unusual you say?
For me it is, for I only look up once or twice a month, at the time when my lover decides to take a stroll.
Diana, so close, no matter how far...
In my heart burns a desire to touch your silk and admire your beads.
Id cross oceans to see you smile just one more time.
But confined as you are I must content myself with imagining how you are living your life so far away in the distance,

"This guy can really get cheesy, dont you think, Kelly?"
"God, you tell me... I have read most of that stuff"
"Im dying to know what happened to him when he was being chased by the banshees, he must have survived, the stack over there is proof of that"
"All that belongs to the stacks of poetry, its the other one over there you are reffering to, the huge one"
"Yeah, he survived somehow, but we are missing one page and once found we will have the lost connection"
"Dont give up, we will find it, eventually..."


"Found it!"
"Darn right I did. The missing page from the book. Now we will be able to make all the connections and really start working on it."
"I am excited and terrified at the same time. Whatever we might find... Now its the point of no return"
"Then we will never go back to where we came from"
"Lets do this"


The project

"Hey Kelly, would you mind taking a look at this?"
"What is it, found anything interesting in those manuscripts yet?"
"If ghosts, daemons and banshees are not of your interest, then perhaps not.
This guy wrote everything down, no exception. We could almost fill an entire
library with his work."
"Well it does seem like he had a lot of free time at the beginning of his
"Your humor never ceases to amaze me, Kelly. If everything he has written
about his life is true, then there is so much more out there than we could
ever imagine"
"Look, thinking about leaving this place is such a crazy idea it shouldnt even
cross your mind. Reading and analyzing this could already get us in a whole
lot of trouble."
"Id say its a risk I am willing to take"
"Anything you say"
"Here, take a look at this"
"Amazing isnt it?"
"Speechless are we?"
"We cant let anybody else know about this..."
"Anybody, we have to get the others out of this project, its becoming far too
dangerous. There is just to much banned information in these pages, they
wouldnt even punish us anymore, they would get us out of the way."
"So im guessing it did catch your attention."
"We have to look further into it. If truth is what this man wrote, then..."



2024 AD
Captain Terrojas Logbook
The Banshees have been howling for a while now.
Not that it concerns me, their victim is probably either almost or already dead.
And those bitches wont be able to come near me.
Lucky charms id dare to say.
I knew that those books about chinese charms would come in handy one
day or another. Good night sleep assured for me.
But the plain darkness that surrounds me isnt confortable. The solitude of
the badlands is common, but that doesnt mean that you get accustomed to it.
Since everyone is on their own and you really cant trust nobody, its not like
you would enjoy company anyway. Ironic, aint it?
And dont expect no good will come out of someone knocking on your door.
Last time i did it turned out to be possesed dolls.
Creep the heck outta me.
I have been trapped inside this wreck for two days now. And it doesnt look
like I'm gonna leave anytime soon. I saw a sandstorm brewing in the
distance before the banshees started chasing me.

The Banshees howling has ceased, interrupted by a loud roar that split the night.
What kind of terrible creature is out there with the power and ability to silence the shrieking of death itself?
Not like Im going to leave the safety of the charms to find out, but I reckon Im having a hard time dealing with my curiosity.
Maybe Ill check it out in the morning.



"You have to hurry, dusk is coming and we are almost there, please hold on
just a little more!" - she sounded desperate and she truly had a reason to.
We were almost at the entrance of the village, but dusk seemed to move
faster than I did, nothing surprising considering the state in which I had
started the journey and the lack of nourrishment during the journey. Where
the food I had gathered was gone, I had no clue.
*You are gonna get yourself killed if you dont speed up a little*
"I know... i know" I wheezed under my ragged breath.
The entrance lay just 10 meters away and the nearest house which wasnt
completely shut close 15 meters away.
Dusk was just 3 minutes away and I really doubted of my ability to close the distance between me and my goal in time.
I heard a shrieking scream in the distance.
"They are coming..." - she whispered breathless with her eyes opening wide in terror.
*You sucker better get a grip of yourself and fucking get your ass inside the house in 1 minute or all your efforts will end up here*
I was already dragging my feet on the dust, unable to move at a faster pace.
"What is that howling sound?" I muttered.
"The Banshees coming for you, please move faster, they are almost here"
*If you dont sprint, you are doomed...* the daemon started to look nervous
"Why would you care anyway?"
*I am part of you, you dick, if you die you drag me with you*
I try to quicken my pace, really wishing it is enought for me to elude my
unknown hunters.


Out There

Waking up with an incredible headache seemed the worst problem once I first woke up, poor fool.
I opened my eyes some minutes after regaining consciousness and I dearly wish I had not, for the vision witnessed I wished nobody to lay eye upon.
Nothing around me, just some tree trunks, some cacti and lonesome vultures patrolling the skies. In the distance I thought I could see some scattered houses, what once probably was a village or a little city of some kind.
*Morning sweetheart*
"Damn daemon, couldnt you give me a break?"
*I would give you one if I hadnt break to you that we better get moving if your wish is to survive, if you do wish to die though, then we should definitely stay here and enjoy the post-nuclear horizon until the  sun starts setting and the banshees go on their daily hunt*
"Yes" - she whispered softly - "creatures that feed of the fear and desperation of the living"
"Oh, sorry, i hadnt noticed you up until now." - I explained
"Dont worry, that does not matter right now, the daemon is right, we have to get you to the village if you want to see another dawn"
*Told you!* the daemon flew circles around my head, apparently amused
"Ok, understood. But, how did I finally get out?"
"No time for that right now" - she assured - we will tell you as soon as you are safe for the night"
I nodded and tried to get up. What should have been quite an easy thing to do proved itself to be much more difficult than expected.
I felt as if I had been drained of all energy.
What is it i had gone through trying to get out of my cell that left me so tired and useless?
Just then i noticed the bundle strapped to my back.
Of course, my writtings, they were somewhat heavy.
I unstrapped them and tried getting up, which didnt work quite as well as i hoped for. I finally got up with the help of the daemon and her and took my first steps on the sandy surface of the world I had never before seen.
*Dont forget your papers, you moron*
I gave the daemon a deadly look and slowly made my way back to the bundle of papers in order to strap them on and start my journey to the village in the distance.
Almost crushed by the weight, I started walking towards the village, which to me seemed to far to reach and too blurry to really rely some hope on.
But I had to give it a shot, I had to fight for my own survival yet again.
But this wouldnt be the last time they heard from me...


Write for me

"Why dont you try writting something erotical for a change?"
Her words struck me...
"What do you mean?"
"I have read some of your writtings, you have your style, you have your stories,you writte about different genres, but never have i seen you writte something of an erotic nature"
"That may be true..." - I muttered.
"Well of course its true, have you even ever considered it?"
"Not really" - I admitted, more to myself that to her.
"Well?" - she looked at me with her pretty dark eyes. I could see she wanted me to do it, let my imagination and probably my perversion break free and flow onto a piece of paper.
"I... I will try, I promise"
"Yay!" - her eyes lit up and she hugged me tightly.
If it meant so much to her, hell knows why, then I would try my best.


At home I, for the first time, confronted a blank piece of paper onto which I would write something I had never written before.
No fantasy, no steampunk, no slice of life, no such topics would appear in it, though I could write something with elves...
No no no, nothing like that. I must try to write something life-like, something that could happen to anyone...
Who am I kidding? I have no clue on how to start such a journey.
My hand shook as I neared the pencil to the table.
Fear... I was affraid.
The unknown is what we are affraid of, let it be darkness, let it be another religion, another race, just another human being, but something of which we dont know nothing about.
I got up from my seat and quickly went over to the window to gace at the nightsky.
Faintly shinning stars embedded in the dark blanket that was the universe.
Tomorrow would be a new day, a new chance to go on an adventure, to write what had never been written, to confront myself with this newfound fear...
Tomorrow was the day


The Leash

And you remembered that song you used to listen to long ago.
Not did you remember because of nostalgia, you remembered because you felt the pain depicted in it.
Just like the lyrics preached, he broke your throne, but he was not satisfied with cutting your hair, he had to cut your wings.
And now you feel grounded, as if nothing was real anymore, as if there was no reason to keep pushing.
Each day the sun rises, light bathes your room, but whenever it touches you, you feel no warmth.
Just another pointles day after another and so the weeks go on:
Get up, get ready, get out, get on, get in, get out, get in , get in...
The monotonous existence you think to live is ruining your imagination, your happiness.
Its time for you to open your eyes and see your surroundings.
There are others that care for you, others that love you, many who appreciate your friendship.
You got your reasons, you got your beliefs, you got us...

Free yourself from the shackles of the past and embrace the future with such love that even the foundations of your past will crumble.
You have done this before, I know, what keeps you from doing it once again?
Unleash yourself


The businesscard

I have to admit that I sometimes struggled to restrain myself from splitting his head open with an axe.
His voice so irritating, his face so perfecttly inmaculate. I couldnt stand the sight of it.
One day... onde day...
One day I would make my wishes come true, see him sheding blood, his guts splattered on the floor, his eyes pleading, asking for forgiveness, for mercy, for a swift death.
But none of that would do, no mercy for the perfect, no acceptance for the weak, no tolerance for the hypocrites.
A perfect painting would I paint with his punny blood, pathetic fools work he would seem once his pure body lay sprain on the floor, his pulsing veins still fulfilling their unpaid duty, his heart pounding his life away, poor poor powerless being, left alone to die like a pooch on the street.
I ponder if he would look pretty on my pink wall if I were able to compose with his precious body a work of art.
Thoughts aside I cant help but feel belittled by his display of power, treating everybody else as no more but a slave, there are no coworkers, just slaves ranked higher in his personal power hierarchy.
The white of the paper is probably perfect, not a single stain.
The font carefully chosen.
The ink merged with the paper as if a wizards work had been involved, not a single speck of imperfection displayed.
And the texture of the paper... one could run his finger a thousand times and still get somewhat aroused by it.
And he would not say where he had gotten hold of such a masterpiece, that he would not tell to anyone as he said himself.
Oh, but he would...
He jocked about the value of it by proclaiming that even if his life were at stake, no one would find out where he gotten hold of it.
I would find out if what you say is true, I swore to myself I would.
Sooner or later, but i would...


The Legacy

On a tiny scrap of paper do I wish to writte what I leave in this world and once belonged to me.
To anyone who would read this:
To my youth I bequeath my early years, in which I enjoyed running through the fields and playing with all the woodland critters. There were no boundaries, no time limits, no responsabilities, just the fresh air and the joy you could muster up in any activity.
To the teenagers I bequeath the wisdom I didnt have at that time. Dont sweat the small stuff, dont listen to what others have to say, dont stay inside just because others dont like the way you are. Go out, meet people, enjoy, get drunk, get high, fall in love, get brokenhearted, start planning what you would like your future to be, do sports, make music, make a fool of yourself, get wiser, get stronger, question everything you have been told.
To the adults I bequeath what little time I have in this world. Dont work too hard, enjoy your free time, spend it the way you want, not the way others would want you to, go out, go wild. Love your friends and love your partner if you have one, spend time with them, think everything over, as nothing is as it may seem to be, dont judge others, dont let others judge you.
And last to the elderly I bequeath the energy they need to carry on, the company they long for in the long days they may spend alone in their homes, not wanting to be a burden to anyone but themselves.
The moments of joy in the park, the company of the birds on those sunny afternoons as they watch the rest of the world carry on without them.
And to them I also leave this note, so they may carry on what I started.

I know it may not seem much, but it is everything I have and surely do i hope it will help some of those who by any chance may stumble upon this, my last will and testament.

My time is up, I lived my life, I paid my dues, time after time I fell and then got up yet again with the same energy as all the times before.

And lastly I would like to leave a line to you, you know who you are. You accompanied me on this journey for quite some time, but sadly left before me on a warm spring morning, your kiss the only goodbye I ever got treasured as my most priced possesion.
Soon i hope to rejoin with you, all I ask of you is that you scold me for being late and then hold me tightly in your arms, so we may never again part ways.

To you, the reader of this, my last will, I give my gratitude for spending a moment of your busy life for the sake of reading such a meaningless scrap of paper you probably found by coincidece.
May the years be gentle with you...



The star lit sky gave me no rest on this night.
All the turmoil and caos around me promised many restless nights, if there
was ever to be a good night sleep for me.
How could so many believe in something so cruel, something so erratic, so
random, so unfair.
Was god real?
Doubt it...
And even if he were, i would not bow down to him even if he were to descend
from the heavens and in person asked me to join him.
Suffering, poverty, hunger, wars, terrorism...
If he sat and watched all that happen, he was not worth praising.
I could only fathom what frustration it was for some to hear others praising
god for a job well done by them.
If the operation goes as thank god.
If it didnt, the surgeons fault.
Such a double standard made me mad to the point of having to take a few
long breaths in order to repress the urge to hit something.
Miraculous recovery, its gods work, its a miracle, cant you see? What more
proof do you need?
I would definitely need some solid proof, not just the dreams and delusions
of mad men wanting the invisible dinosaur in the dark room to be real.
As real as the Alicorn sitting next to me while im writting this. Her mane
flowing with the wind, whispering sweet words into my ear, telling me
everything will turn out for the best.
A person that hears voices in his head: a madman.
A person that hears gods voice in his head: a saint, a chosen one, a holy
person and other names like that.
No different to me, those who listen to voices in their head are crazy.
Yeah... I know that Snowy... Yes, i am crazy myself, Snowy agrees.
I am mad myself, yet i have achieved the clarity and state of mind to
aknowledge that i didnt go crazy by myself, the world made me this way.
Or am i just pretending i am mad so that i may seem human?
I may just be wearing a mask, just like everybody else, so that i dont have to
deal with the idiocy and lunacy around me.

If i were to preach Snowy's religion to the others claiming that it is the true
one, i would end up locked up in sanitarium, where all the worlds preachers
should be.

See that, Snowy?
See the madnes?
See the sadness?
See the suffering?
The greed? The hate?
The egocentristic mindset of the society i have to live in?
Good thing you dont have to live here, i dont think you would make it through
the day.
Seeing all the enslaved animals, the poluted rivers, the cut down trees, all
that they call progress.
I sometimes wish i could leave almost everything behind and go live with
chinese monks or with a tribe, no matter the place, just live a simple life.
Almost all i would be glad to leave behind, yet my friends and my partner is
worth going through what seems like hell in order to keep them by my side.
As precious they are to me as a diamond.
You are precious too, Snowy, dont be jealous.

And now i rise, not as a hero, but as a villain to society, the villain this
society deserves, someone to take the blame, to make them open their
eyes to the real world they are living in.
No reward i expect, no sign of gratitude.
Stones, laughter, insults... that i expect.
I will welcome every single blow because i know that at the end of the day i
will be doing what is best for them.
For now i return to the shadows, not really knowing what lies ahead, but
knowing what i strive for.
My eyes will get acustomed to the darkness, my body to the beatings, my
hand to the grip of this pen, for i shall tell my journey to whomever would like
to read.

You will hear from me sooner than you think, untill that time comes, i bid