11/12/13

breaking a habit, making a habit

They say it's very difficult to break a habit but I know for sure that it's also very hard to make one.
Darkness had accompanied me most of my time during my first few weeks, I think it might have been weeks but I can't be sure since there was no way to keep track of time, and the light seemed at first comforting company.
But it was not enough.
I had to do something, there were just too many spare hours in my days that were wasting away due to my inability to actually do something.
I had to change that, but in order to do so I would have to make a habit, no easy task for someone like me.
I am the kind of person who has trouble when starting something, the first step is the most difficult one for me, once I get that one going, the rest just comes naturally, just as the words on this paper are being written without previous thought.
There was paper and there were writting utensils, I needed nothing more appart from that and the light bulb hanging from the ceiling.
So there I silently sat staring at the satinated stern walls with no thought in mind regarding what I should write down, what could be relevant, what could even transcend someday, if and only if I were to get out of here.
But suddenly it came, the idea that started all this madness, the spark of sanity in the sea of caos that had become my mind for the past minutes.
Just write
It seemed so simple and yet so incredibly vague that it frightened me.
Just write?
Just write
Write for yourself, write for the ones that will never see this pages, write for the ones who will, write for someone who might be trapped as you are, write for the free, write for the young, write for the old, for the ones already gone and the ones that have yet to come
Just write
And so I sat down and began writting down everything I could remember about how I had gotten into this mess and how my existence had carried on trapped in between these four walls.

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