Meeting strangers

The wooden floor welcomed me with a dry *thud* as my arms gave in under the weight of my body.
After a few seconds I gathered what little thoughts I had and looked at the direction from which the voice had greeted me.
It was a cowboy, at least he looked like one.
Hat, boots, leather pants...
He sat up from the rocking chair and pulled me on my feet.
"Sure been out cold fer a while, aint ya?"
"I... I dont know, how long has it been?"
"Well according to my watch id say about 2 n half days"
I sighed.
"Coulda been worse, dont ye fret a bit"
He pushed me softly towards the chair and made sure i got a good grip on it before letting go.
"Glad to help. So i was wondering, what are ya doin in a place like this?"
"I... I dont think you would believe me if i told you..."
"Sonny, I have seen that friend of yours turn into at least 3 different animals in t' past days 'n considering the banshees that almost caught you 'n all the crazy shit goin on out there, I can 'sure you that i'd believe most anything you tell me."
"Well I... have spent the past year or so imprisoned in a dark room. The room is inside a subterranean bunker-like building not too far away from here."
"Well I be damned, thats a story I wasnt expectin"
"Yeah... I would find it hard to believe had i not experienced it myself. I had been locked away from the world. Still i am not sure this is the same world i remember from when i was free"
"The world 'as changed, thats fer damn sure... lots of thins' goin' on... the banshees fer example, aint been here for too long"
"I feel like i have been... I dont know... transported in time and space ir something similar. I dont seem to get the picture of this world."
"Dont fret, nobody does. We are all souls strugglin' to stay alive."
"Could you tell me how things were before?"
" 'Fore when, sonny?"
"I dont know, I guess before everything went to hell"
"This place has always been hell, but i get where ya gettin' at"
"Keep it quiet you two, sleeping, recovering from near-death injuries, daemon here"
"Sorry, we will go outside"
"Or better yet well get ya upstairs to catch some fresh air"
He helped me get up the chair and up the stairs to the balcony.


Renewal is a necessary evil

It took me a long time, but I was finally able to recover from the darkness in which I had fallen.
I was lucky though, I knew others had fallen and never recovered, others had been able to escape with a bruised body and a scarred mind.
I opened my eyes, the daemon was laying next to me, slowly yet steadily breathing, probably having a dreamless sleep.
She was nowhere to be found.
It did not surprise me though, unbeknownst to me was the time and thus I could not wonder wether it was normal for her to be gone or not. I put my hand on the daemon's head, he had retained his beast form from when he fought the banshees, and carefully petted his head. I'd have to thank him once he woke up.
My eyes got accustomed to the dim light and I could get a clear image of my surroundings.
Some time had passed, that was for sure, they had changed the arrangement of the furniture and barricaded the door, surely affraid of retribution.
I patted the daemon on the head and tried to get on my feet. My legs shook as I slowly put more weight on them. I stood on my feet, wobbly, insecure, but with the firm conviction that I had to regain control over my body and start doing something, anything.
The creeping feeling that I had been gone for too long was once again making itself confortable inside my mind. I could only hope that I had not been out more than a week, time was of little meaning while unconscious.
Inch b inch I made my way through the room, holding my hands out in front of me in case I were to trip. Turns out it was a great idea seeing as I lost my footing after I heard a strange voice saying:
"Glad yer awake pardner"


...and I was able to catch on

The world started spinning  faster than I could bear once again.
Memories sped through my mind. I had to lay down once again to try and calm myself, but my heart was pumping too fast, my breathing was unbalanced, the little vision I had left blurred and faded to black.
I passed out just as she reached to me screaming and begging me to return.
I could not return, not now...
There are things I have to deal with in my deepest unconscious.
The thresher maw approaching us, there was the exit at the end of that corridor, but there was a huge jump, I would not be able to make it, I was too tired and even if I was at my best, I would not be able to.
I run, heart racing, lungs burning, muscles screaming in agony, I cant hear anything besides the sound of my own body, the blood running through my veins in the same fashion Im running through these corridors.
The end of the path is getting near, and it will be the end, one way or another.
Whatever happens at the cliff, it will be the end of an era and the beginning of another to me, wether I die or not will not affect this fact.
Do I want to die? NO!
Do I want to live? Hell yes!
Only a few meters remain, a recollection of the past months of imprisonment soar in front of my eyes, the darkness, the light bulb, writting, papers stacking in the corners of the room, getting new paper and pens by an unknown entity.
I would somehow miss these carefree times, but I knew I needed more than just pen and paper:
I wanted to see what was out there, write about it, tell to whomever might read this that my journey was an interesting and fulfilling one.
I wanted to live, heck, I wanted to feel the breeze on my skin, see a sunset, a sunrise, hear whatever there was to hear out there in the wild.
The cliff is one step away, whichever foot I set now will determine wether I will be able to make the jump or not... I have no time to think more than that, I am in the air already, trying to get to the other side...


Thoughts of a dying shadow (For Her)

I´m dying...
Funny to think about it, I did not even know that I was capable of such a feat, but here I am, on the ground, flat on my stomach, slowly fading away.
It does not bother me that much though, the only thought inside my mind is her.
Dark hair, dark eyes, a stare that would enthrall me every time she directed her gaze in my direction.
Her hips, they would drive me crazy every time I could see them, just picturing them inside my mind sends shivers down my spine and makes my slowing heart make a last effort to try to show me it is still alive and beating. Do not worry fella, we will soon be somewhere quiet, somewhere safe.
Her legs, powerful, strong, they had to be since they carried a strong woman on them. She did not like them that much, but I could not help but stare at them and marvel at their perfection.
Her smile... her smile was able to brighten even the darkest days, lighten the gloomiest moods, make my frown instantly turn into a smile.
She was like a cat somehow, or at least that is how I remember her. She was completely autonomous and did everything by herself, she would sometimes flee from my attempted snuggles, tell me I am too attached, how could I not be? But she would also sometimes approach me and demand some attention, attention I was more than willing to give her. Hugging her was one of the best feelings I can remember right now, feeling her warmth on my body, her smell flooding my nostrils, her soft skin under my finger tips.

I am dying, and I am dying alone.

The blood is slowly but surely forming a pond under my stomach, I can feel the farm liquid sticking to my clothes, soaking them.
Good thing I decided to wear a dark red shirt, this way it will not be that noticeable.

I remember her, and I miss her, but I am not granted her presence right now, at my last moments.
I perhaps do not deserve it either, but I still miss her.

My vision is getting foggy, I stop feeling my limbs, my muscles relax and give in to the sleepyness that is death.

This is me, a shadow of my former self, and these are my thoughts: Her.
I hope I will be able to see her from wherever I go, else I will consider it to be hell.

These lines are for you, to tell you that I loved you, that I still do, that I miss every second of the time we spent together.

My last words flee my now cold mouth...


You will never read this, and that makes it even more tragic

It is not easy for me?
Why do you ignore the fact we are not the same?
Why cant you accept that I am not you?
I am not and will never be you
Yet denying suits you well

I have my own problems
suffer my own feelings
and yet you can and will not see
that everything i do, even if for me
costs me more than you can fathom

fantom of my former self
i wander the streets alone
for this lonesome wanderer never had
and never will have many who might follow

These lines I write for you
even though you will never read them
and better off we are if we never meet again
for all the pain you cause me serves but one purpose

to make my existance miserable whenever you see fit

all i would wish for is that you see into yourself
introspect that you so feverishly preach
and teach yourself to see more than meets the eye
all you deny fallls unto others

I am done with you,
have been for long
and will yet till my sun sets be


Life went on without me...

She remained silent for a moment, as if pondering the words she was about to speak.
*I dont really know how to beginn with this tale, there is so much to tell...*
"I think we have plenty of time, you dont have to worry about that, take your time" - I calmly told her as I directed my gaze to the window.
The wasteland underwent no change from one day to the other, the horizon and the sun made the ilusion of slight change real.
*It is a little complicated and mysterious*
"I'm ready for whatever you have to tell me"
*I sure hope so* - she looked out of the window one last time and then saw me right in the eye.
*We waited for the hatch to open so we you could get out... but we had not quite thought about how much time it would take you to get there before the hatch closed yet again, so the problems started there, we had to use the tray to block the closing gate, which probably triggered some kind of alarm, which we did not notice at the time but found out later*
She stopped her narration and looked at me, as she saw that I had barely reacted to her telling, she continued.
*The nightmare began once we were outside of the room. It was a maze and we had no clue how to advance, any plans we made have made had no more use once we were confronted with the truth of the mission. We thought about following whatever device that had brought the tray to the room, for it was carried there somehow, there was nothing to be seen though, we later deduced that the alarm had made the devide either hide or self destruct. Clock was ticking and we needed to get out of there. We did not know if there was going to be any punishment for you for trying to escape, if someone or something would come out of the blue to either return you to your room or kill you on the spot.*
I had started sweating, each pearl made the fog in my mind diminish.
*I cant really tell how much time we spent wandering through the maze... but every second that passed made our anxiety grow as we could not fathom what would happen next. We were able to find what seemed the pathway to the exit, dont ask me how we did it, after so much wandering my memories also distort and deform at some point*
I could remember monotony, endless corridors, one corner after the other we looked around in search of any clue that could lead us to the exit...
*We were on our way as we heard the shrieking sound of the alarm and the guardian of the maze*
I had trouble swallowing as my memory was kind enough to make me remember just a bit of that scene.
*A mechanic thresher maw was at the end of the corridor quickly making its way towards us...*


Kleid aus Rosen

I left everything behind...
My youth, my parents, even the man I was meant to marry...
Everything overwhelmed me, had me in its mercy, a tidal wave washing away my dreams and desires.
I had taken few decisions in my life, but this one I would take and follow through for once.
I ran as never before, streets flying by, corner after corner I turned, a blurr of emotions and memories coiled around my consciousness.
Thats what brought me to this particular house. Nothing special from the outside, but the inhabitant was a gifted individual: he painted on human skin.
As I stood in front of the house I called out:
Master! Master! Give me Roses, paint your roses on my young and uncorrupted skin!
Sting those roses into me!
But child, the master told me in soft voice, these roses will cost you blood, you are not suited for this.
Master, I am ready for whatever pain or suffering I will have to go through, I beg you, make Roses bloom on my skin, for I have never felt either being beautiful nor being free.
I cant, child, this is something not to be tread lightly.
Master, I beg of you, stitch the freedom I desire into me...
Child, I hope you wont regret your newfound freedom as soon as you taste it, please follow me inside.
I was led into his workshop, the walls covered with beautiful drawings of all sorts of beautiful things, dragons, unicorns, roses, lilys, mountains, beaches, oceans...
A bed was in the middle of the back of the shop, a courtain separating it from the rest of the room.
On a little table there were aligned a lot of different needles  and little bottles full of ink.
What roses do you wish for, my child?
I... dont know... roses... beautiful roses
What color do you desire?
Does it matter, Master?
Yes it does, child, each rose color means something else.
Would you chose for me?
No child, it is something you have to chose for yourself, as it is something that will accompany you for the rest of your days.
Then... I want blue roses
Very well, please lay face down on the bed and uncover your back
I was unsure of the Masters intentions... he could take advantage of me while I undressed myself
Nothing to worry about, child, no harm I will do upon you
His calm and silky voice soothed me
I took of my blouse and lay flat on my stomach on the bed
I am ready, Master, I told the master, as he had begun preparing all the needles and was with his back turned to me
Child, this is the point of no return, once the first needle has pierced your skin I will ahve to continue, for I never leave my work halfway, so I will ask one last time: are you sure of this?
Yes, Master, I am sure of this. I will bear with whatever comes from here on
The master took the needle in his hand and placed it on my back, as the tip touched my skin I could feel the coolness of the metal
The coolness was soon replaced by pain, excruciating pain that made me cry out in agony
I told you, Child, these roses are gonna cost you dear
Before I could even reply I felt the piercing of the needle yet again, another cry
Blood began flowing out of the piercings made by the skillful hands of the Master
Roses, vines, leaves and blood bloomed on my back, the white bedsheet slowly changed its color to bloodred
Just then I saw it, in the corner of the shop, was a basket full of bloodstained bedsheets
The price of the roses was pain and blood, a long agony that ended hours later when the Master stood up and evaluated his work
The deed is done, Child, you can rise from your grave, as you have been dead and reborn
I couldnt move, my blodshot back was still aching from all the piercings
Here Child, take a look yourself at your freedom, the Master told me as he put a mirror next to my head and held another one over my back
Its magnificent, is all I could mutter
My back had been turned into a rose, vines, leaves, buds, blooming roses...
Now Child, how are you going to pay?
P...Pay?, I stuttered
Yes Child, my skill does not come free nor cheap, did you not think about that when you walked into my shop?
No..., I answered quietly and shy
See, Child? Such reckless and thoughtless behaviour is what you have to get through if you ever wish your freedom...
I..., I was completely clueless on what I might say or do in this situation
Child, lest we make an agreement and you pay for my skill, you will never grow or gain freedom, so listen very carefully to what I am about to tell you. You will pay me back working for me and sometimes letting me use your skin to paint on it. This way you will learn.
Yes..., I said, Yes Master, I will work
Good, Child, now go, you will start tomorrow morning. Another thing Child, please wear from now on clothes that show your back so everyone can see.
I nodded and got up from the bed, I did not care anymore if he saw me like this after showing me how compassionate and kind he was.
Do you have a scissor, Master?
Yes Child, what do you want it for?
I want to cut open the back of the blouse so I can show my back
As you wish Child, he said as he went to get the scissors
He swiftly brought them to me, I cut the back in half and put on the blouse
Until tomorrow, Child
Yes... tomorrow, I mindlessly answered as i made my way to the door
As I left the shop, the Master went to the back and started cleaning everything, a task I would do for the next year.
I took the longest way home I could think of
As I crossed a bridge, I stopped and directed my gaze to the sea, so close and familiar as mysterious and unknown.
I am the sea, I have know myself for a lifetime and yet I know nothing about me...
With that thought circling my mind I stood on the bridge and watched the coast until the dusk made its way into the night.

PS: This entry was inspired entirely on this song, I highly recommend you listen to it and read the lyrics



I dont know whats going on out there.
I hear noises, police sirens, people screaming, but I cant go out.
If they were to find me...
They would probably lock me up, too much I do know about what is going on in this city in comparison to the outside world.
This promised land is no more than a dystopia in a foreigners eyes such as mine.
Foolish of me to think that here I would find a peaceful place.
I cant imagine a place where more war is waged on a daily basis.
War against drugs, war against crime, war against prostitution, war against iliteracy, war against this, war against that, but war nevertheless...
And there is victims, criminals, colateral damage, investments, expenditures, guns, martyrs...
This city is the very definition of insanity and thought crime is just a few steps ahead.
I cant go out, I cant escape, this time I really am trapped...
They can not help me no matter how much they want.
I can only wait for a miracle I guess...


The neverending Muse

Today is yet again one of those nights in which my Muse has abandoned me.
I try to look into Supermassive Black Holes in search of Bliss, but I am only Falling Down, the Micro Cuts passing by my side.
I don't even think the Knights of Cydonia would be able to Sing for Absolution of my soul, all thats left is the Soldiers Poem, written in a Blackout.
No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, The 2nd Law forces itself upon me.
Mens sana in corpore sana should help me get more creative, but going to the Muscle Museum does not make me feel neither inspired nor Invincible.
This is my personal City of Delusion, everything surrounding me desires, hungers, craves my Hysteria.
I wonder what kind of Unnatural selection occured so that my Survival was ensured up to this day.
This piece of paper is my captor, and yet I cant help but to fall into Stockolm Syndrome`s claws.
I think this has been enough for today, Space Dementia might get the best of my if I dont go back to my Shrinking Universe.
May this Guiding Light get you to Supremacy