Lullaby for a princess

Dear sister,
i write to you to tell you of the burden i had to bear for so many years.
As day and night passed, the darkness in me grew ever greater seeing you become as popular as you did while i carried my sorrow in silence, the dark side of the moon i had become, hidden from plain sight.
I wished for my hate and sorrow to dissapear, but my struggle bore no fruit.
On the contrary, it increased my suffering and desire to gain all the favour you had.
After every smile i faked i had to cry myself to sleep.
You were great, brilliant, so... everything anyone could ever wish for.
Outgoing and kind...
I was reserved, introverted...
I tried everything i could, but weeks passed and nothing changed, i thought about talking it with you, but what could you do?
You tried to love me the way you knew best, but it served only to wretch me even further.
My destruction approached, my reneval did too.
Through the clouds i saw the moon, the only friend i could rely on in my troubled times, a friend with whom i spent an eternity after that fateful day in which i challenged you...
I wish for our reconciliation, i wish with all my might and i know we will somehow manage, as we are part of something even greater thatn ourselves.
After these thousand winters i came to understand that we were both needed.
My dreams rest in peace inside me, i know i will achieve them, i always knew i would, but i now know with wich means they will come true one day.
Thank you sister, thank you for everything you did back then and do every day to help me recover from my sorrow.


(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4tyvJJzSDk my source of inspiration this time)

For the greater good

For the greater good many sacrifices are made, many lives lost, many dreams crushed.
For the greater good, or the alledged one, is for which we would invest all we have.
It is for this reason many spend restless nights thinking and many days working.
We need to focus, as the greater good is not something to tread lightly with.
What is the greater good, is there really a greater good?
Is it part of a greater good to sacrifice others? For a greater good we cannot even prove.
Is the greater good the needs of a few? The needs of many? Or the needs of us all?
Is the greater good the needs of the human race, or the needs of te entire ecosystem wich we inhabit?
Do not tread lightly on such words
For the greater good may not be what you have been defending and believing in so many years.
Will the individual good bring about the greater common good, or will the common good bring about the individual greater good?

Meeting strangers

The wooden floor welcomed me with a dry *thud* as my arms gave in under the weight of my body.
After a few seconds I gathered what little thoughts I had and looked at the direction from which the voice had greeted me.
It was a cowboy, at least he looked like one.
Hat, boots, leather pants...
He sat up from the rocking chair and pulled me on my feet.
"Sure been out cold fer a while, aint ya?"
"I... I dont know, how long has it been?"
"Well according to my watch id say about 2 n half days"
I sighed.
"Coulda been worse, dont ye fret a bit"
He pushed me softly towards the chair and made sure i got a good grip on it before letting go.
"Thanks"
"Glad to help. So i was wondering, what are ya doin in a place like this?"
"I... I dont think you would believe me if i told you..."
"Sonny, I have seen that friend of yours turn into at least 3 different animals in t' past days 'n considering the banshees that almost caught you 'n all the crazy shit goin on out there, I can 'sure you that i'd believe most anything you tell me."
"Well I... have spent the past year or so imprisoned in a dark room. The room is inside a subterranean bunker-like building not too far away from here."
"Well I be damned, thats a story I wasnt expectin"
"Yeah... I would find it hard to believe had i not experienced it myself. I had been locked away from the world. Still i am not sure this is the same world i remember from when i was free"
"The world 'as changed, thats fer damn sure... lots of thins' goin' on... the banshees fer example, aint been here for too long"
"I feel like i have been... I dont know... transported in time and space ir something similar. I dont seem to get the picture of this world."
"Dont fret, nobody does. We are all souls strugglin' to stay alive."
"Could you tell me how things were before?"
" 'Fore when, sonny?"
"I dont know, I guess before everything went to hell"
"This place has always been hell, but i get where ya gettin' at"
"Keep it quiet you two, sleeping, recovering from near-death injuries, daemon here"
"Sorry, we will go outside"
"Or better yet well get ya upstairs to catch some fresh air"
He helped me get up the chair and up the stairs to the balcony.

Renewal is a necessary evil

It took me a long time, but I was finally able to recover from the darkness in which I had fallen.

I was lucky though, I knew others had fallen and never recovered, others had been able to escape with a bruised body and a scarred mind.

I opened my eyes, the daemon was laying next to me, slowly yet steadily breathing, probably having a dreamless sleep.

She was nowhere to be found.

It did not surprise me though, unbeknownst to me was the time and thus I could not wonder wether it was normal for her to be gone or not. I put my hand on the daemon's head, he had retained his beast form from when he fought the banshees, and carefully petted his head. I'd have to thank him once he woke up.

My eyes got accustomed to the dim light and I could get a clear image of my surroundings.

Some time had passed, that was for sure, they had changed the arrangement of the furniture and barricaded the door, surely affraid of retribution.

I patted the daemon on the head and tried to get on my feet. My legs shook as I slowly put more weight on them. I stood on my feet, wobbly, insecure, but with the firm conviction that I had to regain control over my body and start doing something, anything.

The creeping feeling that I had been gone for too long was once again making itself confortable inside my mind. I could only hope that I had not been out more than a week, time was of little meaning while unconscious.

Inch b inch I made my way through the room, holding my hands out in front of me in case I were to trip. Turns out it was a great idea seeing as I lost my footing after I heard a strange voice saying:

"Glad yer awake pardner"

...and I was able to catch on

The world started spinning  faster than I could bear once again.
Memories sped through my mind. I had to lay down once again to try and calm myself, but my heart was pumping too fast, my breathing was unbalanced, the little vision I had left blurred and faded to black.
I passed out just as she reached to me screaming and begging me to return.
I could not return, not now...
There are things I have to deal with in my deepest unconscious.
The thresher maw approaching us, there was the exit at the end of that corridor, but there was a huge jump, I would not be able to make it, I was too tired and even if I was at my best, I would not be able to.
I run, heart racing, lungs burning, muscles screaming in agony, I cant hear anything besides the sound of my own body, the blood running through my veins in the same fashion Im running through these corridors.
The end of the path is getting near, and it will be the end, one way or another.
Whatever happens at the cliff, it will be the end of an era and the beginning of another to me, wether I die or not will not affect this fact.
Do I want to die? NO!
Do I want to live? Hell yes!
Only a few meters remain, a recollection of the past months of imprisonment soar in front of my eyes, the darkness, the light bulb, writting, papers stacking in the corners of the room, getting new paper and pens by an unknown entity.
I would somehow miss these carefree times, but I knew I needed more than just pen and paper:
I wanted to see what was out there, write about it, tell to whomever might read this that my journey was an interesting and fulfilling one.
I wanted to live, heck, I wanted to feel the breeze on my skin, see a sunset, a sunrise, hear whatever there was to hear out there in the wild.
The cliff is one step away, whichever foot I set now will determine wether I will be able to make the jump or not... I have no time to think more than that, I am in the air already, trying to get to the other side...

Thoughts of a dying shadow (For Her)

I´m dying...
Funny to think about it, I did not even know that I was capable of such a feat, but here I am, on the ground, flat on my stomach, slowly fading away.
It does not bother me that much though, the only thought inside my mind is her.
Dark hair, dark eyes, a stare that would enthrall me every time she directed her gaze in my direction.
Her hips, they would drive me crazy every time I could see them, just picturing them inside my mind sends shivers down my spine and makes my slowing heart make a last effort to try to show me it is still alive and beating. Do not worry fella, we will soon be somewhere quiet, somewhere safe.
Her legs, powerful, strong, they had to be since they carried a strong woman on them. She did not like them that much, but I could not help but stare at them and marvel at their perfection.
Her smile... her smile was able to brighten even the darkest days, lighten the gloomiest moods, make my frown instantly turn into a smile.
She was like a cat somehow, or at least that is how I remember her. She was completely autonomous and did everything by herself, she would sometimes flee from my attempted snuggles, tell me I am too attached, how could I not be? But she would also sometimes approach me and demand some attention, attention I was more than willing to give her. Hugging her was one of the best feelings I can remember right now, feeling her warmth on my body, her smell flooding my nostrils, her soft skin under my finger tips.

I am dying, and I am dying alone.

The blood is slowly but surely forming a pond under my stomach, I can feel the farm liquid sticking to my clothes, soaking them.
Good thing I decided to wear a dark red shirt, this way it will not be that noticeable.

I remember her, and I miss her, but I am not granted her presence right now, at my last moments.
I perhaps do not deserve it either, but I still miss her.

My vision is getting foggy, I stop feeling my limbs, my muscles relax and give in to the sleepyness that is death.

This is me, a shadow of my former self, and these are my thoughts: Her.
I hope I will be able to see her from wherever I go, else I will consider it to be hell.

These lines are for you, to tell you that I loved you, that I still do, that I miss every second of the time we spent together.

My last words flee my now cold mouth...

You will never read this, and that makes it even more tragic

It is not easy for me?
Why do you ignore the fact we are not the same?
Why cant you accept that I am not you?
I am not and will never be you
Yet denying suits you well

I have my own problems
suffer my own feelings
and yet you can and will not see
that everything i do, even if for me
costs me more than you can fathom

fantom of my former self
i wander the streets alone
for this lonesome wanderer never had
and never will have many who might follow

These lines I write for you
even though you will never read them
and better off we are if we never meet again
for all the pain you cause me serves but one purpose

to make my existance miserable whenever you see fit

all i would wish for is that you see into yourself
introspect that you so feverishly preach
and teach yourself to see more than meets the eye
all you deny fallls unto others

I am done with you,
have been for long
and will yet till my sun sets be